Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sweet Silencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shahan
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 112/132/38
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1007
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 563



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSweet Silencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    When silence tears the sound,
    I hear the steps of life.
    Too many words are spent,
    A crowd of echoes deafen the deaf.
    The play of word smells the death,
    Death&#8230;life&#8230;life&#8230;death&#8230;
    How long will the circle run?
    Too tired,
    The lines are dancing,
    Damn again! Who broke the silence?
    Rain is the cry of God.
    Love wets the life,
    All the shouts are swept away,
    Silence remains on the ship of Noah.
    And life is born again.





    Submitted on 2004-05-26 14:58:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hmmm ok first of all taking those annoying numbers out of the poem would make it easier to read.

    "When silence tears the sound,
    I hear the steps of life.
    Too many words are spent,
    A crowd of echoes deafen the deaf"
    this part I get... is wonderful it doesnt need change in my opinion.
    "The play of word smells the death,"
    this line made no sence at all to me.. it felt like the words were just trown in.
    "Death;life;life;death;
    How long will the circle run?
    Too tired,"
    that part also made sence, no need in changing it unless you want to.
    "The lines are dancing,
    Damn again! Who broke the silence?"
    this part would make sence if you tell me what it means to you.
    "Rain is the cry of God.
    Love wets the life,
    All the shouts are swept away,
    Silence remains on the ship of Noah.
    And life is born again."
    these are very good lines, to me this means a deluge in like someones life is going to start again because of love.. they like die and love brings them back.

    I think a little explanation on the description box would help a lot.







    | Posted on 2004-05-26 00:00:00 | by Exodus Night Sky | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the beginning about the silence tearing the sound and you hear the steps of life. But then the second line about the deafen the deat lost me. I didn't catch on especially when you were talking about the dancing lines..? Then you mentioned the cry of God...? Sry I just didn't get it, its a little too scattered for me.
    | Posted on 2004-05-26 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      sorry but i really dont get it. what does life and death have to do with silence. i will reread it and have a friend read it to see if she gets it and can help me with it.
    | Posted on 2004-05-26 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an interesting piece and like the others i'm not sure i understand it. Maybe thats what you wanted, if so you acomplished your goal. Keep it up anyway!
    | Posted on 2004-05-26 00:00:00 | by Linz | [ Reply to This ]
      I love teh imagery you used in this poem, but i'm not sure i completely understand it. Its like one moment i get it and the next i don't....as for suggestions to make it better could i suggest a better format...maybe some spaces between the lines or every few lines to make it easier to read
    | Posted on 2004-05-26 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
      I am not entirely sure that I know why but I really like this piece. It has great imagery and this line absolutely struck me, "A crowd of echoes deafen the deaf." I can't even begin to imagine how loud that must be. Good write.
    | Posted on 2004-05-26 00:00:00 | by pinurplepassion | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    12252

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry