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    dots Submission Name: Still no good with titlesdots

    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 234
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 786
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1481

       I managed to con a friend into writing a poem, with me.
    This was way off her usual style and I'm hoping her input made my boring old overused words into something decent.
    So anyway, there isn't a strict meaning for this and I'm also hoping each person will be able to take a little something from it.
    So from me and Bleedingstar Nat...A poem!

    please be gentle with us :D

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStill no good with titlesdots

    Searing blindness incorpses mine eyes
    Blindness caused by endless lies
    To tame an untold story
    With each solitary line.

    Each word placed down upon the page
    Magnified by growing rage
    And burning with the thoughts
    Lost inside silence.

    Distraught within and cold upon, refused to live here as your pawn, uncomforted by all the tales of kindness.
    These inky words don't tell as much, this shell, my body, immune to touch, a wasted treasure fated, to inexistence.

    Benign in self outgrown with hate and angered beyond all that still waits, upon the plain of you and her alike.
    Singing this silent lullaby, and uttering an endless sigh, my malignant mind tries, to overcome.

    Burn it down
    The cause of fear and womb of hate
    Take back this crown
    I'm not a fool anymore

    You. Him
    Her. Me
    A kaleidoscope of feelings left to bury

    Waiting. Watching
    Amusing. But forgotten
    The reflection in the mirror cannot see

    Searing blindness incorpsed mine eyes
    Each word placed down upon the page
    I read it now and now begin to laugh.

    At thoughts I thought and dreams I knew
    The colours fast, have faded too
    And now as I close my mind to lies.

    I see the peace of me

    The silence that holds true

    Submitted on 2006-10-23 11:34:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The flow in this poem is so good that I almost forgot it was a "not-so-happy" poem (thats a good thing, I think) And I can see the difference in the words, or in the tone. The rhyming is effortless, thank goodness, because sometimes people have a tendency to try to hard and it shows as then the piece makes no sense. My favorite? The first 3 stanzas were great, imagery on point, just wonderfulness. I cant explain (on paper) what I think this poem is trying to say, and ironically that thought is somewhat what I hear you saying in the poem, it reminds me of the theme of the book Night, you know?
    | Posted on 2007-02-14 00:00:00 | by inkonspikuous | [ Reply to This ]
      This has a nice lilting melody in a lot of its parts--the meter flows well in this, turning the dark subject matter into something more racing and free.

    It's great that you tried a collaboration with someone--more creativity can never be a bad thing, so kudos on that.


    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

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