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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Pianistdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: fiver
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 2/5/6
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 663
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 744



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Pianistdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It finds me while I lie asleep
    That long, unbroken melody
    And only memories do keep
    That angel's song of the ivory keys

    That midsummer's morn, seven years gone
    The sunlight kept me company
    But for the sunlight and music, alone
    Alone with the song of the ivory keys

    With perfect poise, and perfect stance
    With love for that heartbroken melody
    I raised my hands, and set them to dance
    To dance to the song of the ivory keys

    But years are gone now, and memories lost
    I raise my hands with the notes in my head
    But silence the price that the years have cost
    The ivory's stilled, the music is dead




    Submitted on 2006-10-23 16:00:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's very nice. Yet, I did find some lines a bit annoying.

    "I raised my hands, and set them to dance
    To dance to the song of the ivory keys"

    I understand what you're trying to do with repeating the word "dance", though I do find it annoying. Maybe in place of one of the words, you could describe the dance, or something.

    "But for the sunlight and music, alone
    Alone with the song of the ivory keys"

    I found this even more annoying. The word, "alone" is tedious enough by itself. Surely, you could come up with something more interesting and descriptive to describe this.

    Overall, its very nice. A bit rushed in some places, and the ending could use a bit of strengthening.

    ~ Jazzy

    ^_^

    Good job!
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by Jazzy | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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