[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Too close togetherdots

    Author: BloodtornAngel
    ASL Info:    21/F/inyour wildest dream
    Elite Ratio:    2.47 - 21/28/43
    Words: 333
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1042
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2143

       Its part my homecoming experiance and part my wishes for the future.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsToo close togetherdots

    Round and round they go
    the brilliant colors spinning just so
    laughter fills the noisy air
    and they dont have a single care
    the music gives a steady beat
    holding hands
    watch your feet
    they trust each other to keep ahold
    hand in hand
    their hearts were sold
    the lights turn on
    they still held hands
    drunken kisses, make funny pictures
    a cold, cold night
    a shiver slight
    he offers his coaat
    their ride comes late
    three tired children clamber in quietly
    the night seemed it would last forever
    as friends and Mcdonalds got dropped
    bad things didnt stop
    'Was your boyfriend there'
    mom shut your mouth!
    It was too late
    it was already out
    his smile faded
    his look grew cold and distance grew
    she tried to fix it but already knew
    her mind cried out in agony and dispair
    after all she didnt care
    that he had a girlfriend
    and she a boy
    and to let hearts be that close together
    to to cry in disrepair

    And even now her heart grows lonely
    for someone she wants more
    than her men
    her heart isnt in her relationship with them
    and she knows its a mortal sin
    to let two hearts get so close to eachother
    means to steal him from another
    to make another bleed and cry
    to make another wish to die
    to make him want to hurt her bad
    to make her heart all the more sad
    To wish and hope
    for more than she has
    to rid herself of wron
    and take her stand
    Her patience wearing in and out
    she still waits for her chance
    to ask him out
    hours, days, months go by before she can even tell him 'hi'
    The distance maims her ice cold heart
    but soon enough they'll have their cars
    meeting him after school for awhile
    summer of working and having fun
    help him babysit and talk till the suns gone
    to let our hearts be that close together.

    Submitted on 2006-10-23 16:54:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      it kinda rimed in the begining and that was werid. and it kinda went off track and became confusing. I could be the fact that it is late. But I have ha hard time getting ot the point it seems like your complaning that high school love dosen;t last. and its not ment to. high school is for learing as I see it.
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by Ryou_Bakura | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]