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    dots Submission Name: Creak,Snap,Foreverdots

    Author: Valle_Siddious
    ASL Info:    24/Male/Dystopia
    Elite Ratio:    2.51 - 93/94/41
    Words: 451
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 1135
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3049

       Long ago......i know everyone on tis site hates teen angst poetry.
    But who cares.
    If you don't like angst....don't read it.
    Tell me what you think....
    I know it could still use some editing.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Amidst the death, my shining rose.
    To die for her is what i chose.
    "P" for passion, a bond it was formed.
    A spark of hope, alas' love was born.
    We lived and cared and breathed as one.
    I thought my years of searching all done.
    I gave my love to her so true.
    I couldn't get enough! Did not know what to do!
    Months went by, we kept getting closer.
    Played it safe.....being apart got grosser.
    Emotion was growing, down deep into tears.
    Devotion? No problem.......seperation was our fear.
    Around this time, i didn't understand.
    She started seeing another man.
    "He's just a friend, don't you trust me?"
    "Lets seperate,lovely,then we'll see."

    Sitting there alone on that cold sunday night.
    A cell phone aglow, it's radience was bright.
    "Hey baby, it's me."
    "Just seeing how you are.
    "I'm sick of this silence."
    "Our distance is far, i'm drifting from you honey."
    "Please grab my hand, i'm awfully lonely in this desolate land."
    Click Beep! Beep! Message 19
    "Hey it's me again baby, don't want to sound mean."
    "Please pick up your phone, i'm alone and cold."
    "Come and lie with me precious, my heart you do hold."
    Why won't she pick up?!
    Please answer the phone!
    I take a sip from the cup.
    The booze runs down alone.
    Again with the messages, Won't she reply!?
    What did i do wrong? Do i deserve to die!?
    It became all too clear. I stopped crying completly and walked to my chair.
    I grabbed up my belt made of leather and metal. A mission on ming......a score to settle.
    I dragged that black chair from across the room; sat it up by the door.
    The door of my doom.
    I felt tears once again running down both my cheeks.
    I cracked the door open, making sure not to squeek.
    I then slipped the damned loop around my neck; making sure it was tight.
    I double checked.
    Putting the strap of the belt in the closed shut door.
    I gave out a sigh. My mind it was sure.
    The noose was secure and finally complete.
    All i had to do was knock this chair out from my feet.
    But i stopped.....taking time for one last
    good bye.
    This is exactly what i said.
    I was going to die:

    Oh love.....my lovely!
    I tried! I tried!
    I just couldn't make it.
    I'm a coward.......
    I'm a loser........
    I know now i can finally
    leave you.
    You've found another....
    You say you love him.
    Thats great....I'm proud.
    But igotta go......and you
    must know.
    I love you, I'll love you.

    *Creak, Snap, Forever*

    Submitted on 2006-10-24 20:14:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well i do normally hate teen angst poems but this one ill have to admit was pretty good. i think its not too teeny beacuse of the wording. i love the dialogue in it .
    Man! the things people do for love or shall i say the things people would do not to hurt. But i guess some depend on it because they have nothing else.

    Well i'll be honest, i loved the write. it kind of took me into the room and i could grasp everything that was happening.


    | Posted on 2009-05-12 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn....I just realized I wrote "years" instead of "tears". Well, you know what I meant.

    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by Ayane | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow....It's so full of emotion and the description was perfect. I could clearly see the whole scene in my head. I think it actually brought years to my eyes at the end. Very well written! ^_^

    | Posted on 2006-10-25 00:00:00 | by Ayane | [ Reply to This ]

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