The Stream by fiery whisper

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Submission Name: The Stream dots

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Author:	fiery whisper
ASL Info:	21/F/Bangladesh
Elite Ratio:	5.13 - 51/49/33
Words:	103

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	167
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	743

Description:
I wrote it at a go, but I dont much like it. For one thing it doesnt make too much sense, (or does it?) So help me out. Just tell me what you think it means.

The Stream dots

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This rippling shadow of blue,
Seeped through the crumbled edifice
Bleeding, bleeding towards its heart
Watching, watching its soul being pulled apart
Apart with gentleness, apart with care
It seeped, it seeked. Waiting.
Waiting for the sky to come home
Hungering for another drop, another drop till it ceased
Transcending beyond horizons, horizons never reached
Till the vociferous thunder struck. Blighting
Lighting the world of its soul, its soul that was lost
Hoping, hoping for the moment to last
Streaking, streaking past the lives of grey
Wanting to remain, remain forever in the blue
And then, it rained, rained like never before.

Submitted on 2006-10-26 09:56:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  So, it is amazing. They agree too, trust me they do. They told me. It makes total sense in so many different ways. We were discussing, me and them, and we could not conlude anything. Then again they are just crazy. So moving on.

I so love the entire idea of it you know. I will not specify lines or anything because the whole thing is just awesome. I mean imagine the atmosphere that you just described. Isn't it lot like the ran the other night? The sky bleeding out the remnant of the monsoon. Then the long awaited calm that I so love.

Of course the dryness was just getting to be a pain and then suddenly there was this beautiful harmony. The rain, the calm, the very brightness within the dark winter atmosphere.

Wait, one of them is trying to say something. Oh right, she says that there is this sign of some emotional turmoil in it. The waiting, being stuck in for so long. Not necessarily an emotional outburst, but that can be so evident in it as well. Then again I was talking about the fact that being stuck in your home, without having anything to do. Hence awaiting for things to cool over so that there is finally the great outdoors. I don't know that was just a thought. Or more like her thought.

Oh gawd, there we go, another one. He says that there is fantasy tinge to it. Not about the description part but rather of the inner conscious of some dark fell character. Someone whose soul is condemned or damned, in search of redemption. Awaiting the time when he/she can be redeemed. Then finally some something that shows the result. Not necessarily good but I would say something with reason and an outcome. Hence it is good.

So there we go that was their thoughts. As for me, I just think it is amazing. I always love your writes anyways.

peace love and empathy,

forest
| Posted on 2006-11-04 00:00:00 | by forestspirit | [ Reply to This ]
  On the contrary, it makes quite a bit of sense. You have the entire water cycle in this piece. Wonder why they can't use this is science class? It would be way more effective.
"Waiting for the sky to come home." Seems like waiting for the cows to come home, could mean forever. ><
Lovely.
Cheers
Azuire
| Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
  It makes total sense to me. This is a really great piece. I love the lines because they are so original. A lot of people use the same kind of idea in every line and just change the words a little bit. This poem is totally you and you alone.

Transcending beyond horizons, horizons never reached

I love that it's so perfect. It reminds me of like chasing a sunset it seems like you are getting closer but you never get closer. If that makes any sense what so ever.

Great Job,
Liz
| Posted on 2006-11-04 00:00:00 | by smartblond | [ Reply to This ]

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