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A snake sheds it's sin,
What a reality all us souls exist in.
The ever moving ride of existence...we all have a ticket.
A bucket half full, half empty...we all have to kick it.
Sliding passed another as eels on ocean's floor,
searching in the dark for something...to some, a chore.
The best and the worst,
All hungry, all dried out, suffering consuming thirst.
To quench one's self with the answer is the goal,
clutching at our souls, leaving bleeding holes.
The loves that come and go, or THE ONE that stays,
To have loved ONCE, warmth of sun's rays.
Spinning amoeba to roaming herd of apache food,
The classically polite to the classically rude.
The first and the last sex was initiated,
The first and the last it was really appreciated.
From outer space to inner you,
The sky, silvery storm to the most relaxed of blues.
Cold, screaming newborn, ready for birth,
Cold, screaming newborn,newest member,planet earth.
A snake shed's it's sin,
The outside rarely matches the in.
| well malcolm i was able to get through it ok but to be honest.......the flow and rhythem seem completely off.......the words come out like chunks of ice from a juice pitcher disrupting the stream.......you tried to make it rhyme and that ruined what this poem could have actually been......the metaphoric use was wonderous but try a different approach and you may find that it to be just as poetic without the rhyming....but over all good job|
the roped one
|| Posted on 2006-11-20 00:00:00 | by ropedpoet | [ Reply to This ] || No really....i didn't read it. It looks stupid.||| Posted on 2006-11-01 00:00:00 | by Cherub | [ Reply to This ] || I really like big black guys. I didn't even read your poem. I just really like big black guys, especially in man panties.|
|| Posted on 2006-11-01 00:00:00 | by Cherub | [ Reply to This ] || Nice, I like how you changed "Snake sheds its skin" to "Snake sheds its sin", creative! It flows very well, I love the adjectives and use of uses you used.||| Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ] || Unedited Review:|
Funny, I think I can understand this poem. Though at first glance it seems a bit dark, hopeless... but then again.. maybe that's why I understand it.
"The ever moving ride of existence...we all have a ticket. A bucket half full, half empty...we all have to kick it."
There's a quote that says, "To have loved once is better than never to have loved at all".. or something like that.
Oh, and "You can't judge a book by its cover" is another quote that this poem reminded me of.
Sorry, I'm in a silly mood tonight. Glad to see you FINALLY posting again.
|| Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ] || hey that was cool. i liked the snake thing.|
and the words were truthful.
|| Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ] |