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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ollie_wicked
    Elite Ratio:    4.09 - 319/186/83
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 158
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 688



    Description:
       there was more to this...i'm just lazy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wish i could fill the page
    with all the hope and dreams
    that failed like spoilded milk on your
    dirty jeans, that you forgot to wash.

    I wish i could hide in my own world
    when things got worse.
    Not drugs
    just another me holding me.

    I wish i could run
    farther than i can.
    Just to feel the wind in mouth
    and the sun to my back.

    I wish i could talk to the
    people who try to love me.
    The people who share my blood.
    The people who are supposed to be there.

    I wish he loved me the way
    i think he's supposed to.
    but he doesn't.




    Submitted on 2006-10-26 23:38:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You use some interesting imagery in this piece. Spoiled milk especially paints a sour picture for me. Although you might want to fix the spelling of it.

    It seems a tad underdeveloped. I'd like to see some more length and description to add to your message which is, as of now, somewhat unclear to me.

    I'm not sure how old you (I thinking teenage?) are or how serious you are about writing but I think it's great that you're writing but I think that some more depth would be nice. Possibly, you could describe the way you want him to love you or how you yearn for his love.

    Also, remember those caps!

    :)
    | Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by empty hopes | [ Reply to This ]
      hey babe. i love you. for what it counts... i liked it. it had a lot in it without being totally self-depricating or just plain pathetic. i feel like thats all mine is these days is pathetic crap. nice to know youre getting better while im getting worse :) major love fo ya
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      OOOOH, I wish you had put the rest in, I love this, please don't be lazy!!!! when you have done, it, drop by and let me know, I will def be back to read the rest!!
    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by Effee | [ Reply to This ]
      hey... this guy doesn't know what he's talking about, this poem needs a LOT of work. pm me and i'll give you an idea where to start.
    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by psyko | [ Reply to This ]



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