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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Patiencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Briannan
    ASL Info:    20/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.59 - 123/127/49
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 888
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 381



    Description:
       I feel like I am worn out and about to snap. I have no patience for what is going on, and the storm is upon me. I don't know what to think. They are trying to wear me down.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPatiencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Worn thin
    Stretched out
    Wrapped around
    Twisted and bent
    I have none for you
    You have given none to me
    Let me be for the sake of my sanity
    I don't want to scream anymore
    Why do you irritate me so
    You do it on purpose
    I know you do
    Don't deny it
    I feel it
    Eating
    at
    me




    Submitted on 2006-10-27 11:34:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i kinda have a good understanding of what your going through if i'm guessing right. something bout a guy i'm taking this as. but if so i just got out of some crap with my ex so yeah. but all an all this was pretty good. i like the way you cut it off and the way it was layed out. i agree with lucky penny on the last 3 lines becoming 2. i know it's not like me to reconstruct anyones work but that would to me at least, flow better. but i really do like this it shows the little feelings in a big way.

    thx for the read,
    brandon
    | Posted on 2006-11-01 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]
      Is the title what you're searching for?
    Oh, I suppose it must be. That's why you wrote this, isn't it? Well, I certainly hope it has helped you straighten things out. Or I guess writing was never really much for solving problems, but more of a way of making them clearer. I hope it's clarified a few things, then.
    As far is the writing itself is concerned, the one change I'd consider making is shortening the last three lines to two.

    Eating
    at
    me

    can be just

    Eating
    me

    Sorry, I know that's a bit of a liberty I'm taking. It's just it might tighten up the image and words a little better.
    Also, I know I have no place giving personal advice (it's incredibly presumptuous), but I just want to say; it's ok to relax. Take the philosophy of the stone, for instance; whatever the weather, the stone is content to be where it is knowing that, while a storm is raging, it is getting smoother and simpler. The storm is smoothing out its bare essence so to speak. If there's nothing you can do, just relax.
    Sorry again for being a little candid.
    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by luckypenny | [ Reply to This ]
      This could be about anything, really. Mostly I believe it is something within yourself, even if it does appear in the form of others. I might not have the authority to say that, since I don't necessarily know you, but you did ask for thoughts. In my opinion, there is nothing that cannot be waited on. Whether you are waiting for an event to occur, or a feeling to dissolve, it will happen. In the meantime, we can do little more than appreciate what it is we have, and wait.. patiently.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      I JUST posted something on the same subect, only on the brighter side of things..

    Challenged to weather life's latest storm
    this heart has become faded and torn...
    but she's still there.

    Obviously I don't know what you're personal storm is, but after every storm there is a calm, no matter what caused it.

    I hope you feel better soon. Take care

    N.K
    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by Never Known | [ Reply to This ]


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