Description: Written as a comentary on goverment and society again but this time as a song form piece for my band "Distract Thy Enemy"
Six Feet (Aint) Deep (Enough) -------------------------------------------
Pulsing maggots crawling over rotting flesh
Hands reaching up for another victim
Trying to bring us all down to their level
Burying them six feet aint deep enough
Grasping at straws they drag us all deeper
Sapping all our energy from within
Destroying our views and morals
Pulsing maggots crawling over rotting flesh
Hands reaching up for another victim
Trying to bring us all down to their level
Burying them six feet aint deep enough
Maggots eating each other
Following each other like dead sheep
Destroying all they know
Bringing themselves further into their graves
Pulsing maggots crawling over rotting flesh
Hands reaching up for another victim
Trying to bring us all down to their level
Burying them six feet aint deep enough
Burying them six feet aint deep enough
Six feet shallow
I can relate this to alot of different things. very discriptive even though i don't care for maggots. I relate it 2 society n enemies both try to bring u down n get the better of u, by draggin u down.
I think their is promise here. I see some imagery, not too much cliché (dark writing has a tendency of doing that)
I think its lacking in terms of 'flow'
for example
Pulsing maggots crawling over rotting flesh
doesnt roll off the mind--- too many syllables I would cut it down, pack your lines like punches
Maggots pulse over rotting flesh
now this flows better, and the verb is unique, and absolutley disgusting!
You should think of this as a draft, go through it again, and work your sentances with words you already have
Another things to, you need to mix example with the methaphor if your commenting on society..... whos rotting? where are they rotting? our leaders? in suburbia?
Submission Name: Six Feet (Aint) Deep (Enough)
