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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Found in the Moondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: necrotic
    ASL Info:    22/F/NY
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 198/94/33
    Words: 196
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 1395
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1154



    Description:
       I tried. I'm trying....
    I really am.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFound in the Moondots
    -------------------------------------------


    My Heaven.
    Where no burden can strike itself upon me.
    Where no one is near but my own thoughts haunting the air around me.
    The vines of dreams can wrap themselves around my legs,
    trapping me within my own world, holding me close, protecting my inner self.
    I shed no tears of raindrops casting shadows upon the ground.
    I breath no more poison found beneath me as I reach for dreams to take me away.

    My Heaven.
    Where nothing matters but the stars that dance within my white world.
    Where a constant high takes over me, enclosing me in a cage that I cannot escape from.
    Flowers smell of sweetened sand, soft to prance along the fields of my body.
    Protecting me against all pain is my Heaven, found in the moon.
    High in loss of gravity, no oxygen to carress me.

    My Heaven.
    Where I can close my eyes and not dream of your face looking in from a hidden window of lightening.
    Where I can soundly think of clouds that fall around me, hiding my vision of butterflies curling on the ground, smuthered by my sunlight while looking in to save me.




    Submitted on 2006-10-27 21:20:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I friggin and I mean friggin loved this! Man, I'm not sure if I can find the words to describe this, well here's one AWESOME!!! I just love the theme ya know, I mean i just pictured a girl just meditating in the forest, or jungle of terror trying to find her own nirvana... damn, this was excellent, this is excellent, I've read it four times and I'm going for five! Seriously I love you, and this poem a definate 10 out of 10 maybe eleven! Spread your words like fire.

    Sincerely yours with a bloody kiss,
    Naymless
    | Posted on 2007-08-19 00:00:00 | by Naymless | [ Reply to This ]
      Very masterful. It reminds me of that saying, "I found the door to heaven but I cannot find the key." My favorite line was
    "Flowers smell of sweetened sand, soft to prance along the fields of my body."
    This writing is absolutely beautiful.
    | Posted on 2007-04-21 00:00:00 | by blackbird | [ Reply to This ]
      "Where nothing matters but the stars that dance within my white world."

    I particularly liked the part I have quoted. It was a pretty way to express that. The entire poem is filled with good imagery, a light feeling carries the reader through and through, and then we find in the end that your heaven is created out of the need to escape an old lover, or the love of someone not reciprocated...this is disappointing, it takes this beautiful idea of heaven and it slams it back down to earth...to now. The heaven is gone, the lightness, the lovely imagery that keeps the reader in that heaven. This idea of the fellow you do not want to see dissolves the heaven, much like I suppose he dissolves the world around you. Great write.
    | Posted on 2007-04-04 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      My Heaven.
    This is the one place we believe that is our sanctuary or it is a place we idolize for perfection. There are two views of what heaven can mean and i believe in this piece you are either referring heaven as to the person who you deeply love or simply a place where you feel safe and secure to be rid of all burdens in this world and seek purification.
    Heaven can be from a religious point of view where if you are good right where you are, then nothing bad can happen to you and even if something bad does happen to you, when you reach heaven, you'll be rewarded for all your struggles.
    From a realistic point of view or more like from a humanism point of view, heaven is just an idea we create in our mind that helps us ease the stress we presently have.

    This is a very personal piece as i can see and you've expressed yourself precisely without asking yourself questions that relate to the same concept but isn't exactly that concept.

    I hope everything is well with you.
    Take care....

    Irina

    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderful write you have done here...Your heaven, your refuge, your place to run away from the pains inside of the world, a sanctuary, a place that no one can touch you..."Where I can close my eyes and not dream of your face looking in from a hidden window of lightening.
    Where I can soundly think of clouds that fall around me, hiding my vision of butterflies curling on the ground, smuthered by my sunlight while looking in to save me." This line was the greatest line of all, but I ask the question about this face, are you trying to hide from it, because he brings you so much pain, or are you trying to reunite with it because it brings you so much pleasure? I guess it go both ways, but your heart goes for one way and I want to know which it is...This poem tells alot about you, that you are this person that deals with a lot, and the world and it's traffic seems to depress you, and your trying to rid of it...This heaven you speak of, seems to be a place that inside of your imagination or some far off dream inside of your head, is the umbrella from the pains that you go through...I could be wrong, but Im speaking what my heart told me when I read this piece of art you have created...Yes it provokes a lot of emotions, and provokes a lot of pain, but portraits so much inner beauty inside of itself that it casts it's reflection of your sacred soul into my own eyes...I felt this I really did...
    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
      How can you not love this poem? I live in my little fantasy world, or so it seems. It reminds so much of my own little day dreams, that its kind of creepy. 0_o

    "My Heaven.
    Where I can close my eyes and not dream of your face looking in from a hidden window of lightening."

    This is just ME. It's kind of how I day dream about somebody. Just jumps out at me, as how I can dream of somebody, kind of hidden.

    "smuthered by my sunlight while looking in to save me. "

    I don't really like this line. It doesn't sound quite right, and I think that you mean "smothered". I think that you could improve this line. ^_^

    Well, that's just my two cents. I'm sure you'll find other people with more valuable opinions, but I hope that this was at this was at least a little bit helpful.

    ~ Jazzy



    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by Jazzy | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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