Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: sketch of suicidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: silent_death12
    Elite Ratio:    7.94 - 1739/805/135
    Words: 221
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1269
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1465



    Description:
       first off, yes I wrote this for someone....and yes, I know it's not good enough by any standerds but w/e. in case ur new to my writing, I put a lot of- value, into death; alot of emotion so it's actually sort of a compliment to this person...
    ~jess~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssketch of suicidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Starting with a few sleepless nights,
    Drawing tears to accompany this pain,
    Following lines that were never truly there.
    I traced the lies you'd never show me,
    Does any of this make you feel better?

    I composed a caricature of painless death,
    Giving color to artificial bleeding,
    Just how many mistakes can you erase?
    Will the lines remain a faded memory...
    We know every imperfection we created;
    Every mark that rests behind the final design.

    Creating the outline of my broken silhouette,
    It's up to you to paint yourself into this set.
    Would you add your diluted sketch to mine?
    Renounce these errors as a combined effort?
    Inveterate ritual mixed with improvised truth:
    Forever haunted by a lullaby you never sang.

    You cared so much with that blade in your hands,
    As fear bled onto a life so ready to welcome death,
    Who better to die with than one who gave meaning to life?
    So remember this requiem, whenever you feel alone,
    And fade into this story we made eternally our home.

    As shallow graves and blackened skies,
    Replace the sun's rapturous light.
    And quickly fading; grateful cries,
    Inject you with memories of this night.
    We fade into one suicide; last chance to revise,
    But we've lost the need to win this fight.




    Submitted on 2006-10-28 00:44:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really like this and as others have said i just wanted to keep reading i didn't want there to be an ending. i like the way you write a lot
    | Posted on 2008-10-09 00:00:00 | by StainedxBlades | [ Reply to This ]
      hey im lelian this is a great write
    how did you come to think of it?
    I love how the rythum never got
    boring... and i just kept on wanting
    to read... and keep reading...

    great job.
    | Posted on 2007-03-03 00:00:00 | by Lelian Marie | [ Reply to This ]
      I haven't read poetry much lately just the ones i have to read in english, but this is refreshing, i like it because i actually get it. I love your title, best title i've read in a while. The word sketch sounds like a plan, as if you're planning your suicide, powerful but very depressing and makes me worry for you... You have kick ass imagery in and word choice but it would be better to be specific, i can't explain it, just that when you say you're crying like in the secon line, try... ummmm like saying why but giving a very specific reason.... details, they call it, you do say why but it's a little vague. like i can see that the person did something bad to you but thats all i get, maybe its just me not seeing everything
    FAITH_DISEASE
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      great write jess....i like this very much...it is an excellent write....hey i just wanted to let you know...i wrote a poem called 'inkwell of blood' out of one of your poems....wich was it?...i don't remember......
    | Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      Jess
    This is so powerful
    This write could only have been written by you
    You have such Great talent but I only wish like Deep Dreamer said in a past comment you could write with this much emotion in a positive write
    I always enjoy reading your writes as they always draw me back to a time when negativity was everywhere in my life
    I then quickly realize that that was the past and the present is filled with Positive energy forever and I realize I am finally free
    Great Job Jess
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, i have alot to say.
    i REALLY love the flow throughout the entire thing.
    i didnt get sick of knowing i was stuck in the middle or soemthing.
    i wanted to keep reading.
    you made a story into a poem and made it work.
    alot of people really cant do that.
    and i think it made me like it more when i read the description because its about someone else and you dont think its one of your bests when someone else thinks its amazing.


    Creating the outline of my broken silhouette,
    It's up to you to paint yourself into this set.

    i loved how that rhymed, and the picture it painted in my head.

    the entire last stanza, i loved.
    it picture in my head from:

    As shallow graves and blackened skies,
    Replace the sun's rapturous light.

    i had a dream with a picture like that and so i was overwhelmed.
    and also because its called "sketch of suicide", the way i read it really was like a brief way of describing this suicide.
    great job.
    hope to hear from you soon.


    <bleedingtears>
    | Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      great write jess....i like this very much...it is an excellent write....hey i just wanted to let you know...i wrote a poem called 'inkwell of blood' out of one of your poems....wich was it?...i don't remember......
    | Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      great write jess....i like this very much...it is an excellent write....hey i just wanted to let you know...i wrote a poem called 'inkwell of blood' out of one of your poems....wich was it?...i don't remember......
    | Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      great write jess....i like this very much...it is an excellent write....hey i just wanted to let you know...i wrote a poem called 'inkwell of blood' out of one of your poems....wich was it?...i don't remember......
    | Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      great write jess....i like this very much...it is an excellent write....hey i just wanted to let you know...i wrote a poem called 'inkwell of blood' out of one of your poems....wich was it?...i don't remember......
    | Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    123001

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cover written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Love written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry