desperately and maliciously holding on to it...i like that...once i get you again, i won't let you slip away...guarded fiercely...i thought of a suggestion "i'd keep you like a secret",
something that you really hold on tight to, even if no one else knows about it...but then i thought about "build" some more, and the way secrets progress and grow from little bits of hidden knowledge...it can become the reason for everything, and a delight, feeling as it was your own and no others...so you build them up, everyday becoming more and more important that you hold on...so now i like build again, and it's less cliché that keep...although... this is just a terrific write...it has that desperate feel, on hands and knees, fingers weaving through carpet to find...and we will never lose it again...until we become too comfortable with it...beautiful write...
p.s. "keep it like a secret" is the name of a Built to Spill album...hmmm...secrets..built...kept...wierd...good album
It's short but it speaks volumes. For me, the last line didn't entirely work, for some reason… Might be something as simple as needing a line break or something, because the words seem right. But I love this and identify with it a great deal. Becky
This was like Belgian chocolate. Decadently delicious and delectable! Well, how can I do justice to this little delight. You've said it ALL so short, so spot on so sensuously... Goodness, I'm dribling, umm, drooling... sorry, but words will not suffice, let me OUT!
I simply loved this. It is such a unique metaphor --my Dad used to say --when I grumbled about my paltry allowance---"Look after your pennies, and the dollars will look after themselves"--and you show here that that is equally true in matters of the heart. Lovely, Silver
damn thos pennys!! i know wha tu mean man but the poem is strong in its shortness and good choice of wording for the rhye schme, if ur goin for short n to th epoint its good but u seem like u could ad a lil more and make it great