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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: penny changedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blueorchids
    ASL Info:    30/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 1096/928/91
    Words: 28
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1401
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 218



    Description:
       you only miss it when you realize you need it. the realization happened elsewhere - the poem is what happens after.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspenny changedots
    -------------------------------------------


    i'd build you like a secret
    hushed and tied tandem to me;
    bound together capriciously.
    "...love you"
    desperately, maliciously.

    i sleep beside you so easily ...




    Submitted on 2004-05-26 23:20:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      desperately and maliciously holding on to it...i like that...once i get you again, i won't let you slip away...guarded fiercely...i thought of a suggestion
    "i'd keep you like a secret",

    something that you really hold on tight to, even if no one else knows about it...but then i thought about "build" some more, and the way secrets progress and grow from little bits of hidden knowledge...it can become the reason for everything, and a delight, feeling as it was your own and no others...so you build them up, everyday becoming more and more important that you hold on...so now i like build again, and it's less cliché that keep...although...
    this is just a terrific write...it has that desperate feel, on hands and knees, fingers weaving through carpet to find...and we will never lose it again...until we become too comfortable with it...beautiful write...

    james

    p.s.
    "keep it like a secret" is the name of a Built to Spill album...hmmm...secrets..built...kept...wierd...good album
    | Posted on 2004-07-21 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      It's short but it speaks volumes. For me, the last line didn't entirely work, for some reason… Might be something as simple as needing a line break or something, because the words seem right. But I love this and identify with it a great deal. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-06-27 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      The title and description have such a good message that there was no need to put anything in the other box! Lol! But you chose to, and this is a truly great write!
    Well done!
    | Posted on 2004-05-27 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      YOU JUST COMPLETELY ROCK THE [censored]ING HOUSE. ROCK IT LIKE IT'S NEVER BEEN ROCKED EVER EVER BEFORE.

    i love this poem. love it. LOVE IT! (now i sound like that crazy lady from mad tv)(but i don't care!)(cuz it's THAT good).

    i can't even tell you what my favorite lines are because this is what my head and mind and heart and body and soul and spirit SCREAM.

    you've just... left me ridiculously gobsmacked, and i adore you for it.
    | Posted on 2004-05-27 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      This was like Belgian chocolate. Decadently delicious and delectable! Well, how can I do justice to this little delight. You've said it ALL so short, so spot on so sensuously... Goodness, I'm dribling, umm, drooling... sorry, but words will not suffice, let me OUT!
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      I simply loved this. It is such a unique metaphor --my Dad used to say --when I grumbled about my paltry allowance---"Look after your pennies, and the dollars will look after themselves"--and you show here that that is equally true in matters of the heart. Lovely, Silver
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      damn thos pennys!! i know wha tu mean man but the poem is strong in its shortness and good choice of wording for the rhye schme, if ur goin for short n to th epoint its good but u seem like u could ad a lil more and make it great
    | Posted on 2004-05-26 00:00:00 | by casey | [ Reply to This ]
      i love short poems that leave you wanting more...the words fit so well together "tied tandem to me" is my fav. this rules.
    | Posted on 2004-05-31 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]


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