Another Scar... by silent

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Submission Name: Another Scar... dots

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Author:	silent_death12
Elite Ratio:	7.92 - 1716/792/130
Words:	225

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	246
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	1424

Description:
I know, my writes lately have been lacking but why am I even on ES if I can't get opinions on how to improve such a thing?

~jess
(also sorry for the cliché-ness....just needed to put this feeling into words...)

Another Scar... dots

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Can you bleed for the pain of another,
Just to see their smile one last time?
And would you finally welcome me...
If I had come to say goodbye?

Tears fall wordlessly upon this page,
Yet they could never mean enough.
My bleeding has always been for you;
Your love like that of a blade's touch.
Does this story having an ending?
(and do I truly want it to?)
Fading scars eternally mending,
But the pain isn't forgotten.

And in my blood we write the manuscript,
So write me one last feigned resolution-
would you let me be your favorite death?
If I can't be good for anything else,
At least enjoy these few last words...

I'd include you in my requiem, but;
Would that mark the last time you cared?
Or just the last time you remembered to?
You didn't flood light throughout my life,
But you gave me someone to walk with in the dark.

So figure out my darkest riddle,
As it was created just for you.
Condemn me for this sacred crime,
Or offer to be my only accomplice;
It all ends in a similar breakdown...

Still life shot of bleeding wounds,
Another memory of vivid regret.
As we cut too far this final time,
Isn't this exactly what you wanted?

Submitted on 2006-10-28 09:55:59 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  "I really tried, I did my time, I did my time!" alrighty, interesting everrything I'm listening to perfectly accents that of yours in which I'm reading, and it's on shuffle; go figure.
as usual the message of this, was; is...(for being overly-cliché) blissfully misserable. How come it hurts so good, to feel so bad? Of soure, I can't say that really applys in presant time, but bakc when this was written. Except betwen your b-day, and halloween? that just adds to the depressiveness. but, how can I comment un-biastly, on any of yours really, but yet one such as this. blessed be.
| Posted on 2008-02-17 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
  WOW, im really impressed with this peice of work. i can acually feel what you must have felt writing this. and i know how it is. the words stand out and mean more then what it really says.
| Posted on 2007-03-07 00:00:00 | by EternallyMystic | [ Reply to This ]
  Jess
Once again you impress me with your talent
You have a great talent of easily being able to put your TRUE emotions into write
I know through experience just how hard that is
This write left me captivated to the very last word
You really did an amazing job with this one
I will definately be looking for more writes from you
By the way I have a great challenge for you if you care to do it
How about writing a write with Darkness versus Light and why you feel one is a better life then the other
I know you can do this
I cant wait to read it
God Bless
Your Friend
Ron
| Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Awesome poem....definatly a fave. Keep up the good writing.
~chelle
| Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by Priestess | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like this poem. I even had my freinds and wif read it and they like it as well. You have really great talent keep up the good work the sky is the limit,

Drow
| Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by drow | [ Reply to This ]
  hun you haunt me taunt me stalk me, but you never seem to stop amazing me, this write however, isnt included, you over did the cliché and under used your own skills, there is much to be improve. and I cant wait for the next write. love ya hun
| Posted on 2006-11-01 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
  uhm, i really don't know what to say about this.
usually you're really unique and whatnot and besides the whole cliché thing, this isn't your type of writing.
some of it did kinda bore me and probably because I know you can do better.

<bleedingtears>
| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm know that I'm new to reading your writes, but I found this piece far from lacking, as you said it was in your description. Though dark, I found this piece to be extremely deep, and it illustrated all these different emotions perfectly. There are parts of this piece that I can relate to, and I'm betting that are others that will be able to relate to this as well. I love finding a poem written by someone else that describes exactly what I'm feeling because it reminds me that I'm not the only one who feels this way, though it seems like it at times.

"Can you bleed for the pain of another,
Just to see their smile one last time?
And would you finally welcome me...
If I had come to say goodbye? "
Had to be my favorite lines, it was a great opening. There's nothing in this piece that I can find to pick apart, I can't wait to read more from you. Great write

Crystal
| Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by x__beenplayed | [ Reply to This ]
  Somehow you're dark poems always held a different tone. Yes, this is a cliché, but it's somehow unique in the way you put it. You have great talent, and I've been waiting to see whether it would be used for more positive pieces. It might have been. It may be soon. But your talent remains, perhaps waiting alongside me. Things on ES have been quiet. So few people give feedback these days.

Anyways, the piece above. Although it has no rhyme scheme, it's very rhythmic, and flows adequately. It's well layed out, with introduction followed by emotion, etc. "You didn't flood light throughout my life,
But you gave me someone to walk with in the dark."
Those were my favourite lines. Could that "someone" be the blade? An intruiging image. The ending is expected, but your wording and imagery are very poetic.

Nothing really to pick at. You've seen for yourself what could be imrpoved. Keep writing.

DeepDreamer2008
| Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
  I don't think it's as cliché' as you think it is. I liked it and it actually broke down some of my writers block, so I seriously want to thank you for that.
I hate it when I have all of this pent up emotion boiling over the surface and I can't get it out, you know? Sometimes the results are good poetry, or sometimes they are forced poetry, sometimes they're even in-between...this one's kinda in the middle, but leaning more towards the good side.
Other than your poem, how are you doing? Well, anyway, peace and good luck...

*tox*
| Posted on 2006-11-11 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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