Deeply ashamed, I bow my head under burden of need
that I want you
to discard yourself tonight
tuck me in, and give me
not love, but everything else.
| It sounds like a contradiction. I can notice or I can see somebody apologizing for having done something wrong, perhaps.... and it also gives the impression that the other person also did something bad.... Because you say "I want you|
to discard yourself tonight" .... Don’t know it's very odd but not in negative way.... you play with the language in a sort exquisite fashion ... It does puzzle me when, right at the end, you tell this, seeming lad, to give you everything but love .... What, in God's name, is it that you are you asking for??? Everybody wants it and your not craving for it makes you somehow especial ....I guess ... or probably a tad sarcastic... no offence intended, of course.
This was "something"!
All the best,
|| Posted on 2007-10-14 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ] || A short cut to the senses. I like this, it.||| Posted on 2007-03-17 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ] || Very short yes, but it does say a very great deal ... well concieved and structured ... a perfect title...excellent poem ...bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael||| Posted on 2007-03-08 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ] || This had a strange ending. Upon reading the poem again, it appears the source of shame is the confessed selfishness of the writer in rejecting love for the creature comforts the subject can supply. It had a chilling effect on the senses, which was really quite remarkable for so few words used.|
|| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ] || This is really good|
Though short this write carries a lot of volume
It is so true that many people are in Love with the benefits of a relationship and not in Love with the Person themselves
I find that to be so sad
Great Job with this
I only wish it was a little longer and you carried more of the emotion you put into these short words into a longer write
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my newer writes and let me know what you think
|| Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ] |