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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: After the Falldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 266
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 650
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2085



    Description:
       A work in progress. Or not.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAfter the Falldots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Bow is Drawn

    Of course the place
    had the aura of
    unwashed testicles...

    I expected a mother's love
    and recieved a father's wrath
    I've long since disowned
    both those twisted
    souls but
    this agony is Herculean
    pulling the temple down
    as certain as some Samson
    died to purify himself
    even as Delilah danced
    cruel and nude

    He lay down the pen, frowned
    wished he were truly tired...
    that wouldn't do at all
    I write what's in front of me;
    darkness, death, the old nemesis
    fallen in a palsied crawl
    amnesiacs bathed in crisp
    white dread as cherubim
    upward fall

    It won't do
    Now...
    What will?

    How do I feel?
    How do you think I feel?
    A wife and child lost
    and I'm alive?
    How do you think I feel?


    The Arrow Flies

    Sorry I
    haven't been a better
    friend, we disagree
    on almost everything
    and our arguments
    are often cataclysmic
    but I'd sacrifice my life
    to soothe you, I'd
    take a bullet for your opinion
    despite how frequently
    our stars may have misaligned;
    years ago I might have said
    'I love you,' now
    the best I can give
    is time


    The Arrow Falls

    So what have you composed?
    A suicide note.
    That's nice. What's it about?
    Three pages too long.
    I've a huge list of friends.

    Any last wishes? I mean now
    that you're leaving?
    That you might leave with me
    and cushion the blow.





    Submitted on 2006-10-28 17:53:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I hate typing out reviews... if you could see my face you would know how that affected me. The sadness is so deep here. I read this and feel so much of my disappointment with myself... aggrevation with others for not getting it... the disillusionment of things just not going how they should... and piece of me that wants to give up. The last stanza leaves my heart crying... the pain is so tangible. This is brilliant!
    | Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by kiddo13 | [ Reply to This ]
      My perception might not be correct, but I see an alter ego as the one being addressed, looking back on the idea of leaving, and maybe the gist of telling off those who brought you here. It's as though there is a split the soul can't quite sew up.

    the theme of arrows works well and be interpreted in postive or negative ways, depending on how the beholder sees the poem itself. Like Alia said, it doesn't necessarily have to be about love or death in a strict sense, but it makes us cheer for the one doing the thinking..

    And in the third strophe, the darkside could very possibly lead any of us in despair to being hasty about what we might do. But in the second strophe you mention why it's not possible..

    I think more than in any write you come through with an honest voice here and that I see as breakthrough. In many other writes there is the whimsical cynic speaking to us from behind the scenes and here you appear in first person. No, I don't mean so much that i take this to be autobiography but it's real and we can feel it. It's not something that's outside of you that needs opinions its finer and more delicate than that.

    I hope I'm making sense, and most of all it shows a courage about how we might reveal ourselves and that I think is well worth the effort. Great job, Bill, I like this one alot!

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      this speaks to me about the tragedy of persons sin, failure...it seems that there has been a falling, a great falling away from grace and the person is reverting back into a child-like mentality and maternal dependence,
    "I expected a mother's love"
    and received nothing more than a fathers disapointment,
    "and recieved a father's wrath".

    this poem just breaths hopelessness and dispear. the person feels that their circumstance is so great, so terrible that the only way that it can be rectified is by the shedding of blood, the offenders blood, himself.

    we both know that Jesus Christ has paid the price for our sins and if we repent and turn to Him we can be saved. however, this person does not. i dnt mean to preach, but, this is what i get from your work.

    another splendid job!!!

    p.s. i have been really busy and hope to post something new very soon...
    | Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


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