Wishing Star

Author: BleedingTears ASL Info:    16/f/Neverland Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 418 /289 /62 Words: 98

Class/Type: Poetry /Passion Total Views: 1388 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 557

Description:

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Wishing Star

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If I had one wish, I would pick you Star to make a wish upon. Please don't go away. No one can wait this long. Will you let me make a wish upon you? Do you let them come true? Please don't go away. Let me think of what you'll accept of me. I won't forget. Let me make a wish upon you. I wish for us to sing beyond our voices believe. I wish for love to shower our souls in retreat. I wish for you to not go away. Oh wishing star, I wish upon you.

Submitted on 2006-10-29 00:52:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

I like reading the smiple pieces their short and have a lot of meaning. A good write. The Poor Man's Poet.

| Posted on 2008-04-22 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]

I really enjoyed this one lot a great flow to this and simply beautful this style of writing suits you very well I agree this one is different than your othe writes totally enjoyed this a great deal love your work as always.

| Posted on 2007-07-20 00:00:00 | by LadyMustang | [ Reply to This ]

i like this poem, like everyone else has already said...its not your normal style of writing. i think thats why i really liked it, it was different than most of the other stuff i have read of yours. this piece is very clear and straight forward, and you even kept it simple. keep up the good flow and i will keep reading. billy

| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by kession | [ Reply to This ]

This was diffarent comming from you. Not your style sort of speak. But its good. I liked it, anyway. It was nice to read a new post, its been a while. Keep it up. ~David~

| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by D.C.M. | [ Reply to This ]

I like this it has its ups and downs tho just like any poem.first ups:I can tell what this poem was ment to stand for and i can feel emotions clear as day. but there is a spelling error:I would pick you star to make a wish upon.:i think its should be your star? and here r some sugestions to help improve upon ur poem:put it in stanzas<always helps with organization and to fit whats supposed to be said together> :rymeing<rymeing usaully gives more beet,and i have to say im a sucker for good rymeing lol> but those r only suggestions it is very good and i like it. safire

| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]

Your intentions in this poem are very clear and straightforward. Something I dont like to make quite as familiar in my poetry most of the time. One thing Id suggest is reading through a poem before posting it over to make sure there arent any mistakes because there are a few lines in here that just dont seem to work to be honest. However, you displayed how you felt and allowed this to work as a nice emotional release nonetheless.

| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by PaintTheSkyBlak | [ Reply to This ]

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7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

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