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Wishing Star


Author: BleedingTears
ASL Info:    16/f/Neverland
Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 418 /289 /62
Words: 98
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 1353
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 557



Description:


the inspiration was paramore "oh star"


Wishing Star



If I had one wish,
I would pick you Star to make a wish upon.
Please don't go away.
No one can wait this long.
Will you let me make a wish upon you?
Do you let them come true?
Please don't go away.
Let me think of what you'll accept of me.
I won't forget.
Let me make a wish upon you.
I wish for us to sing beyond our voices believe.
I wish for love to shower our souls in retreat.
I wish for you to not go away.
Oh wishing star, I wish upon you.




Submitted on 2006-10-29 00:52:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I like reading the smiple pieces their short and have a lot of meaning. A good write.

The Poor Man's Poet.
| Posted on 2008-04-22 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]
  I really enjoyed this one lot a great flow to this and simply beautful this style of writing suits you very well I agree this one is different than your othe writes totally enjoyed this a great deal love your work as always.
| Posted on 2007-07-20 00:00:00 | by LadyMustang | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this poem, like everyone else has already said...its not your normal style of writing. i think thats why i really liked it, it was different than most of the other stuff i have read of yours. this piece is very clear and straight forward, and you even kept it simple. keep up the good flow and i will keep reading.


billy
| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by kession | [ Reply to This ]
  This was diffarent comming from you. Not your style sort of speak. But its good. I liked it, anyway. It was nice to read a new post, its been a while.
Keep it up.
~David~
| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by D.C.M. | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this it has its ups and downs tho just like any poem.first ups:I can tell what this poem was ment to stand for and i can feel emotions clear as day.

but there is a spelling error:I would pick you star to make a wish upon.:i think its should be your star?
and here r some sugestions to help improve upon ur poem:put it in stanzas<always helps with organization and to fit whats supposed to be said together>
:rymeing<rymeing usaully gives more beet,and i have to say im a sucker for good rymeing lol>

but those r only suggestions it is very good and i like it.

safire
| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
  Your intentions in this poem are very clear and straightforward. Something I dont like to make quite as familiar in my poetry most of the time. One thing Id suggest is reading through a poem before posting it over to make sure there arent any mistakes because there are a few lines in here that just dont seem to work to be honest. However, you displayed how you felt and allowed this to work as a nice emotional release nonetheless.
| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by PaintTheSkyBlak | [ Reply to This ]


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