May You Die by DeathTone

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Submission Name: May You Die dots

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Author:	DeathTone
ASL Info:	26 / male / Married
Elite Ratio:	5.56 - 68/47/16
Words:	127

Class/Type:	Poetry/Angry
Total Views:	181
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	792

Description:

May You Die dots

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The feeling is serine
When I slice the flesh
My pain becomes yours
And the nightmare you caused me
You now live
Suffer so that I may feel free
Live the torment that I lived
Young as I was, you still desecrated me
Out of the blue you took me
Upon the bed you sat me
I never understood what I did to hurt so much
Now that I have you trapped in my world, you scream for me to stop
Do you remember everything you did to me?
I remember ever so clearly
Every cut you receive and every thrust of my blade
Penetrates you, like you penetrated me
Now you feel sorry for what you did
Man fuck you, I was your kid

Submitted on 2006-10-29 06:41:06 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i love this. it really hit home with me to a certian degree.. because like deepdreamer said. it looks like you're writing about a child being molested. and i myself was molested as a child... but not by my father.

anyway, i've just recently started talking about what happend to me, and the more i talk about it, the more angry i get with myself, and the person who did it... and i feel like when i read this piece from you.... it's like i'm reading everything that i think for myself.... does that make sense?

as someone once told me "it's hard for an adult to live with something like this, but when a child goes through it, it will leave scars for the rest of their life." and i honestly believe that writes like this one here.... are our scars.. showing themselves to people.

i'm sorry, this wasnt a decent comment, i just got so wrapped up in what this piece made me feel, and i wanted to express that to you. great write death

-Poetic
| Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by Poetic | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow I really like this one. First of all with the bold letters. That was something I have never ever seen or thought of. very nice, it adds so much to the write.
Secondly it shows the angry emotion so well in practically every line. Its just so powerful, and makes you feel the hate. You did a great job expressing it.
Great write.
| Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]
  love the way you the detail was there with litle words
scott
| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by drow | [ Reply to This ]
  The acrostic style is affective, and you've done it correctly, which is more than I can say for many of those who attempt it. The piece seems to be about child molestation, but whether it is from personal experience you write I cannot tell. Whirl did not lie when she said that your anger was very apparant.

At first I thought that the piece was about a schizeophrenic, the person occupying the body addressing the original character. It wasn't until the last line that I thought otherwise, and then I went back to read the piece over again.

In the first line of the poem, I think you mean "serene" unless you were referring to the amino acid, which is unlikely. That aside, this piece was overflowing with emotion, regardless of it's simplistic wording and common imagery.

Take care,

DeepDreamer2008
| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
  it was good..the bold letters was a good idea..good job..nice read..
| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by DeathsWife | [ Reply to This ]
  i love how you done this. with the letters in bold, that is clever. nice work.
the topic is obviously disturbing, but your words are very emotional...i feel the hate eminating from every line.
another good one. i like the way you write, it's original.
whirl**
| Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]

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