Description: I write on regular blue-lined notebook paper, so that was the inspiration. I'd like a better title, so I'm open to suggestions.
A Page of Worlds -------------------------------------------
in my sleep-starved thought-drunk mind
the blue lines on this page
become horizons
the barely perceptible bits of blue sky
above snow covered grounds
below eggshell clouds
my eyes climb this stack of wintry worlds
until they reach the great white heaven at the top
Powerful piece. The paper sketch is `note` worthy. The different lines resembling blue skies covered with eggshel clouds could just be the imagenary paralell world si n between, all reaching towards the true white heaven at the very top.
That to my mind refers to a page of worlds.
My history teacher gives out yellow notebook paper. It's not worth much for writing poems on, but it's an interesting colour nonetheless. All the words I write on it come out green.
I might have teensy suggestions for the name, perhaps "Pulp Worlds" or "Soldered Page" or maybe "Fibred World".
I like winter, so when I read the winter part I think you've done that part with some real good imagery. I can practically feel myself walking on snow covered ground. Where I am currently there's no snow, but I miss cold weather terribly.
For some reason the "white heaven" part doesn't speak to me.
Anyhow thank you for the read, and I see you're a minimalist poet.
Cheers
Azuire
yeah baby! still the great minimalist and still the insomniac!
wonderful and extremely descriptive. the empty page has so damn much potential, does it not? it's only when we start scribbling on it that the reality and insecurities and all of that weight take hold.
maybe "paper dreams"? I don't know. I think it works well as it is.
Wow. I am horrible. I realized I haven't commented on this piece yet. :( Sorry!! Better late than never right? :) I really like this. It has so much imagery and I am always impressed with your way with words. I like the wintry worlds idea because, well, it is almost winter! And plus, I am having trouble writing so this piece about writing on a regular blue-lined notebook piece of paper interests me. Hopefully I will be able to overcome this strange writer's block I have acquired and come up with something. This is wonderful though. :) Great job. Love you, Take care, bethany :)
That describes me perfectly since the full moon. Luckily I can sleep in the day, (joys of being retired)--but now I am into this reversed rhythym, where I stay up til 7- 8 am ( the moon was still up yhen!) and then sleep til 1-2 pm . Anyway I can relate to the sleep deprivation and the "thought-drunk"--as it seems i just relxa and almost fall asleep, "thinking" about my story or a poem,---and then just have to-have-to" turn the lamp back on and wites, rad , think , make tea, for another hour or so. My dog hates me I think, cause I keep her awake too, and she loves her sleep.
Also, because we have so much snow here, I relate to the great white worlds bewteen the narrow bands of sky. It's the silence, the sheer blankness that is at once inspiring,--and intimidating. Perhaps its the perfection of the blankness,---we don't want to mar it with anything less than splendid. I don't know, but I can relate well. LOL
You know what, I really liked this poem. I think you've expressed what so many of us face a lot of the times. Just think of it this way, at least your not just putting something down to take up space and make it look like you can post a new poem every other day or so. This is actually extremely descriptive, for a piece of paper. Cool. Carol
I would simply call this write an Insomniacs Dream I Love how you put this write together This created very vivid Imagery in the few words used and there is nothing I like better then a write that can create a beautiful vision and leave you there for as long as you want You did that perfectly with this one Excellent Job!!! Looking forward to reading more from you You are very talented!!! God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
Hrm, a title? "World-White" or "Clouded"? Those are the first things that popped into my head after reading this.
This has been said before, but you've given it a new face, so it still works. By the way, I usually write on blank paper when I do... lines distract me and make me feel hemmed in I suppose. Yep.
As for your poem, it doesn't quite feel finished, but I suppose that does tie in with the nature of this theme--that empty white feeling of whenwillthewordscomedammit. Ha. And then they come.
I love the illusion of sky and mountains and snow that the paper makes when you descripe this. I love it. I think you are incredibly talented. I keep you on my favs list to check on from time to time...you write beautiful, creative things. I don't even know what more to say.
yeah!!, you make the piece of paper come to life right here. i can see the blue lines, it's just an empty page but you animate it to just waiting for thoughts from your "sleep starved thought-drunk mind." wonderful Amy! it's all right there. i kinda like Nan's idea for a title, "great white heaven." or keep what you have, it's your choice. i love it! now i'm inspired to write on a piece of blue-lined paper!!
wow... hm yeah in agreement with honus a wee little bit, you have been deeper..... however i've been a while away and coming in contact with your poetry is like coming up against life, undiluted... I can't think of any other way to put it, you're the only person who's been able to say something with simplicity, beauty, and... concise-ity? every word is vitally important. I have nothing really to criticize... if it suffers from a lack of effort, I didn't notice and maybe that's a fault on my part, but I truly love this.
hm... climbing white worlds... I think just "White Heaven" would be a better title. Not a fan of the 'white worlds', it just doesn't sound too great. ~Cora
yeah good words.Not your best.they lack any real substance somehow.Although I will say that for a fluff piece this is good.You really didn't try with this one.Your ramblings are better than 99 percent of the drivel that people on this site have actually put effort into.Still, I like it, just not your best effort.I know what you're capable of and this doesn't scratch the surface.
what have you done here that conveys something other than writing to makes words sound good?you haven't conveyed a feeling, it just seems like you're taking up space on a page when I've seen you accomplish so much more.This feels like a journal entry, more of a glimpse into writers block than the deeper, moving words I have come to expect from you.
I'm thinking this is pretty tight and I like the image very much. I believe you can drop "the" in L4, though you might need a comma after horizons.
In my sleep-starved thought-drunk mind the blue lines on this page become the horizons barely perceptible bits of blue sky above snow covered grounds below eggshell clouds my eyes climb this stack of wintry worlds until they reach the great white heaven at the top
As for a title, I see very clearly "great white heaven" and I think it would be just right. You probably want it in caps though, nice write, and it's good to hear from you.
Submission Name: A Page of Worlds
