[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Inspiring!dots

    Author: Ari Leukos
    ASL Info:    17/Male/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.83 - 92/134/47
    Words: 295
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 761
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2139

       (Inspiring! Muse! Beautiful Angel!)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    An eternity it takes to spill forth
    All the desire and beauty held inside;
    For what is a man's fate
    But to break his back for an idol's sake?

    A man could wait -alone, in a bitter land-
    Forever! Enduring all!
    But, listen: patience lasts only seconds long
    Without trusting that worth waiting for!

    Are you there, beneath the shroud?
    Behind pretentious masquerades?
    Come down from that lofty heaven
    And grace this earth, my only muse!

    I should not so much as toil
    Were not each dulling blow
    My arms beat to the soil
    For Her, but never known

    Life inside every word
    Spark behind each movement
    O, soul of my des'prate prayers:
    Inspiring are you!
    Beautiful angel, as you gaze beyond
    A world of solemn drudgery

    Does one fear obsession, fear the pain
    That comes with loss, these waning days?
    Nay, I'd laugh such foolish thoughts away
    I fear only that my muse could leave today

    I could not say I think of you-
    That little could never be enough
    (Does a butterfly serenely ponder
         the wind that lifts its wings?)
    Not time nor pain can drive away
    This inspiration that you are!

    Has the lovely angel heard?
    Or do I wait and toil in vain?
    So fragile, the determination
    That drives a life
    A mere wind that filters down
    Through wild, painted blossoms
    Can rend the canvas in twain

    The mind and the words can hardly agree:
    'Be patient!'; But, love, how do I wait one more day?
    Without the kiss of inspired breath 'pon my lips
    Nor knowing that this muse is truly mine?

    This, you are, forever, to my eyes:
    Beautiful Angel!

    Submitted on 2006-10-29 15:47:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    I have to agree with 'dtrofthemsthgh': whatever you write, it seems, there is always some small hint of sadness. But this is also coming from a person who can think, say, to be perfectly random, an apple or perhaps a rose can look very sad also. This is not to say you are or aren't an apple or a rose; just that, you know, maybe some people find sadness just because they are looking for it.

    Time and time again, you reveal your special ability to tap into just what lies inside the often uncovered depths of human nature, or maybe just an artful soul.

    I just have one word for you: interesting.
    And did I mention human nature? So I did.

    | Posted on 2006-11-20 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]

    i totally just remembered why i love your writing. it's 'cause you can be so random sometimes, but in the end it all leads to inspiration, condemnation, or love.


    An eternity it takes to spill forth
    All the desire and beauty held inside;
    For what is a man's fate
    But to break his back for an idol's sake?

    The first stanza was the best. And then it seemed to go downhill, but you still ended it well. But still.

    And it seems kind of... choppy? I don't know how to describe it. It's as of you wrote some of the different stanzas at different times, and then just kind of jumbled it all together. You got a great pedestal for the first verse, but the rest of the thoughts are mixed.

    Does one fear obsession, fear the pain
    That comes with loss, these waning days?
    Nay, I'd laugh such foolish thoughts away
    I fear only that my muse could leave today

    But then, stanza six was pretty spectacular, too.

    - T o x i c R o s e
    | Posted on 2006-11-04 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      Being the very green eliteskills.com member that I am, I feel that any critiques I could give would be pretty far fetched...and slightly hypocritical since I LOVE everything you write Mr. "Leukos". I haven't enough talent when it comes to writing to point out anything (even IF there is anything that I can see at least) wrong with your works. I have to say that I can completely relate to all that you were talking about in this one in particular. The feel of the entire poem seems almost jubilant, though it has undertones of very slight melancholy...? Isn't it interesting that some of the happiest times (not counting joyous times, ex: that given by the Lord) we can remember are those thinking about someone we are especially fond of? Yet they can also be painful, hm?

    This was such a wonderful piece to read, and it was so enjoyable to read something knowing that you were light hearted writing it. It makes my heart ache sometimes when I've read (or am re-reading through your other poems), because I know they have stemmed from sadness :-(. You have such an incredible gift for crafting words together! I'm looking forward to reading more

    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by dtrofthemsthgh | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, it's pleasing to know someone's in high spirits. Ha ha, you seem absolutely ecstatic - could something as fragile as love do that to a person? Woe; the weakness of the human heart. Lol. This was a very uplifting piece, your bouncy tone is contagious.

    You've got a wide vocabulary, and I'm guessing loads of inspiration. Your imagery was good, although I did find it hilarious when I saw you portrayed yourself as a butterfly. The original image in literature is that of an eagle, if I'm not mistaken, but I should give you points for originality.

    The one thing I'd like to bring your attention to is the scheme. It varies between rhyme and free verse and while the poem flows well, the constant jump can be a nuisance for a reader who clicks in with the beat of the rhyme quickly (aka: me).

    That said, I hope you remain as jolly as you were when you wrote this.

    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]