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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Wormdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DBC
    ASL Info:    21/m/ar
    Elite Ratio:    2.77 - 55/59/29
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 988
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 605



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Wormdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I ate the worm at the bottom of the bottle

    somehow i feel as if the worm is eating me

    from in the inside he sees the real me

    and at that he throws my cover

    exposing me naked in front of the world

    and the world is a whore sizing me up for a price

    god i need another drink, that would be nice

    so here, have my wallet and my ID and my money

    now you can know me, skip the pleasantries and take my green

    tie me up and take my fire

    put out my flame im too tired




    Submitted on 2006-10-30 04:50:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not too sure about this rather compelling piece. As I am a saint (ha,ha!) I have never succumbed to the demon drink but I can just about imagine the thrashing that the mind takes when in that particular hell -net, is it a hell for the participant?
    The idea of the worm is very, very, clever and I think you have expressed the worm well.
    The notion of the world as a whore is terrifying and could open up- a whole philosphical area of discussion - which might be what you intended.
    If this is a cry for help it is powerful, if an acceptance, then it still has a sad story to tell.
    I just hope you are looking at this rather than experiencing it
    Obviously I believe this poem works on more than one level - was this iwhat you wanted?
    A sad read but a compelling one. Thank you.

    Donald
    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by siradrian | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I cannot comment as thoroughly as Donald did for I am low on time, but I will try to do my best. I think this is a very relatable piece. I am not sure if that is a real word, or if I just made it up. Either way, I think almost everyone has experienced something like this. I like the fact that this wasn't just a bland description. You actually gave some imagery, and put a lot of feelings in. I love this line:
    and the world is a whore sizing me up for a price
    I have definitely felt that way before. You did a good job capturing the human emotion spectrum.
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]


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