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    dots Submission Name: Garden of Deathdots

    Author: Acid
    ASL Info:    17/M/Newport, WA
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 103/159/76
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 771
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 575

       It's probably my first poem, I just recently found it, please tear it to shreds.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGarden of Deathdots

    Death walks in the garden, under the sun
    Plucking the petals one by one.
    Alone he stands in the breeze,
    The bloom he touches begins to freeze.
    He watches the roses in their row.
    He waits for all their seeds to grow.
    Then he pulls up the worn and aged,
    For now he passes the young and raged.
    Now and then the soil he turns,
    Often it leaves scars and burns.
    And so it is, that I must say
    In the waning light of day,
    Many will draw their last breath
    Here, in the Garden of Death.

    Submitted on 2006-10-30 10:45:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      No, you meant 'raged' not 'ragged' I expect, because of the rhyme. Ani just read a bit that isn't cliché! I like unusual ways of using words because that's what poetry does ... poets discover things for themselves and others. So I got a criticism too. I noticed some bits of tired, ordinary wording and felt (immediately) that they don't help your verse to be lively and tickle up the reader, even though that's what you're doing and with some success. But I won't quote them because that don't help. It's just a thought, you might tend to agree or you might not; and in either case, I enjoy your verse a lot.

    I see from the introduction that it's an old one. That's a good advertisement for the others! This is the first of yours that I've read.

    | Posted on 2007-03-14 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      One word...Perfecto!

    except im guessing instead of raged, you meant ragged?
    | Posted on 2006-11-01 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice symbolism. As much as I am not emo by any means, I sort of enjoyed this. It's just poetic.

    As reciprocity is my policy, please comment back on my latest work. Thank you =]
    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by Aurora-Borealis | [ Reply to This ]
      ugh i didn't wanna bash it. sorry i liked it tough sh*t
    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a nice piece of work, i can't bash it. i enjoyed it. especially the first four lines. i actually had a vision in my mind of death beheading all the flowers.
    good stuff,
    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I knew it as soon as I saw the title. This one was going to be good. I never have a false hunch when you're in question. Very dark and i love it. The rhymes flow, the words spree and the mind behind it is as ever gushing with new ways to make my skin crawl. and it's no surprise really. This is beautiful.
    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I am actually speechless. I love this piece. It is so dark and eloquently written. I am defintely adding it to my favorites. The imagery is great, and I adore the ending. Wonderful. :D
    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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