[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Princess and the Dragondots

    Author: rememberplaydoh
    Elite Ratio:    4.19 - 78/103/60
    Words: 267
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 936
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1859

       This is a fantasy "story-poem"/love story. I hope you'll enjoy it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Princess and the Dragondots

    Once in a distant country
    there lived a maiden fair,
    with beautiful dark lashes
    and shining golden hair.

    A princess she was, truly,
    though know it, she did not;
    she tried to find life's beauty,
    but dreadful was her lot.

    One night, while still a child,
    she'd been stolen from her bed
    and whisked off by a dragon
    with dark skin and eyes so red.

    He kept her in his lair.
    She rarely saw the sun
    and oft' in her spare moments
    hoped her rescuer would come.

    Despairing, she grew older
    yet no knight for her appeared.
    The dragon's power grew
    and he became all that she feared.

    One day a knight approached her
    and offered her his hand.
    But, as knights go, he was weak;
    the dragon took her back again.

    Mournfully, she waited,
    a smile masked her woe.
    She wondered if all knights
    were like the one who'd left her so.

    At last another rescuer,
    this time a true knight, came.
    But trust him, she did not,
    believing he would be the same.

    Our prince then took his sword
    and lifting it on high,
    with one blow, slew the dragon.
    "For you, my love!" he cried.

    As dragon died, the knight
    turned to his maiden fair
    and said, "My gorgeous princess,
    let's leave this dragon's lair."

    Now free, the princess smiled
    and took the prince's hand.
    No more proof was needed
    he'd made her understand.

    They climbed aboard his stallion.
    He took her far away
    to his enchanted kingdom.
    They live there, still, today.

    Submitted on 2006-10-30 12:00:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is wonderful! The perfect fairy tale. The rhyme scheme you've used, although common, fits in well with the nature of the story, and as far as rhyming goes, you've done a good job. Whereas many fairy tales leave me depressed due to the over-exagerrated nature of them, the bouncy tone here left me smiling.

    For the sake of nitpicking, I'll give you some suggestions of my own. In the third stanza, the word "so" sounds like you put it in just for the rhythm, so why not replace it with another word, e.g: "deep red". Now in stanza six, the words "hand" and "again" don't really rhyme. This is big shake to the flow of the rest of the poem. Here's a replacement you can use if you like:

    "One day a knight approached her
    and offered her his hand.
    But, as knights go, he was weak;
    Never a chance did he stand"

    Or along those lines. You're the better judge. In stanza ten, you could either say "the dragon" or capitolise "Dragon" to make the phrase grammatically correct.

    That aside, I did enjoy this piece. Thank you.

    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]