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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Seeping Wounddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 837
    Class/Type: Story/Dark
    Total Views: 1009
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4062



    Description:
        Just a short little symbolic story that might become more with encouragement that I hope people understand....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Seeping Wounddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The black cloak of night swept across the burial ground, leaving the only light to be that of the crystal eye of the moon. Fall leaves danced as a slight breeze led them into their steps, only to be disturbed by the howling monster picking up speed and causing them to thrash about as if hemorraging. Once settled, a night hawk could pick up a slight crackling sound in the far distance; that of sticks snapping under the weight of something...or someone, more likely.
    Indeed, a pale girl in a dress and hooded veil the color of the night seemed to float across the realm of dead bodies as if in a dream. In her hands she held a box, a box of garnet with golden stones set into its frame. The ngiht hawk pondered with its seemingly trivial mind what was inside the garnet box...and what secrets might lay within it. Yet, the hawk's apparent wonder went unnoticed by the girl. She drifted along the blades of dew fresh grass silently, as if afraid to wake the dead themselves.
    Time seemed incredibly slow to the impatient hawk as the girl wandered through the burial. Finally she reached what appeared to be her last destination; in front a tall tombstone of an angel with a serpent wrapped around its ankles. She placed the box gently in front of the angel and its underfoot companion as if its contents were made of the most precious gems and stones.
    The hawk heard the pale girl mutter something under her breath. Whether it was to herself or the strange grave stone, the hawk did not know, but all it could tell was that it sounded something like, "please take care...", and then the words faded, swallowed into the dense fog of the night.
    The girl lowered her veil, revealing eyes the color of the box itself, and fair features that seemed as if they would disappear if one did not gaze upon them for eternity. She opened the box, unveiling its contents as she had with her face. Inside was many shattered pieces of a vase, a vase of the lightest egg-shell blue that could ever be concocted.
    What could be seen from the shards of the vase, it had once been intricatly designed...obviously hand-crafted...maybe even years of work put into its creation. Yet, however many hours, weeks, or years the artist had gotten to know his or her work, it was now completely devasted, completely shattered, and completely unmendable.
    Slowly the girl began to dig a hole into the soft soil in front of the grave stone, a hole large and deep enough to fit the garnet box inside. Cautiously she placed the seemingly precious box inside its minature grave, and began to pile the earth on top of it, as if sealing a promise that was never really kept in the first place.
    Then she reached inside a pocket and pulled out a very flat, smooth stone. Gazing at it for only a moment, she stabbed it into the earthen ground, not too far from where she had buried the box with its broken vase contents.
    Standing up and brushing the dark soil off of her dress, she took one last backward glance at the minature grave she had built for her broken vase, then slowly turned away. As the girl did so the night hawk noticed a glistening drop running dow nthe girl's check, unmasked only by the moonlight.
    As when she came, the night hawk heard the distant crackles of twings and leaves being stepped on, until it finally faded so far into the distance, that they could no longer be heard.
    At her leave, the hawk swooped down and landed next to the grave in the form of a human. Her hair a dark brown, and her eyes a deep golden amber. Falling down in front of the tiny grave, she chocked back a sob rising in her throat. The broken remnants of a long fracturing frienship had been put to rest, and all she could do was sit high above her tree, where she'd always shunned the world, and observe a death before her own eyes.








    Submitted on 2006-10-30 22:05:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The idea of the far off spectator puts a new slant on the situation. Gives it more mystery. The lines "broken remnants of a long fracturing frienship had been put to rest" are beautifully crafted.
    | Posted on 2009-08-23 00:00:00 | by fictionalfiend | [ Reply to This ]
      You Rock! I love how this piece is so descriptive and how it left me spellbound. I could say many other things and all of it would be praise. A lovely and intriguing write!
    Best Wishes,
    Soul-Hugger
    | Posted on 2006-11-23 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      Yea...I was never really bored, or discouraged to keep on reading. Your way of describing was successful in keeping the story interesting and deep, with a clear imagery sense.

    You should turn this into a longer short story, and or novel. You have the talent.


    Keep it up

    Sincerely
    SINceer
    | Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
      This... acctually made me cry. I really don't know where to begin with commenting. I just a little speechless right now...
    damn people sould have to pay to read your stories. um I take that back, I wouldn't aford it, but I hope you get the point.
    I got the idea that the hawk was or is the other part of the fractured friendship.
    I really shouldn't be getting in to the details of the story or I'll be writing till the end of days.
    one thing that got my attention is that you used a hawk, the nattural thing to use in such a story would be a raven, so the hawk awakens curiosity and makes me want to read more.
    I don't know why but I've always liked cemetarys, they give me a sort of calming feeling. I think that's also a reason to why I like the story. I have to stop now or I'll never quit.
    //The Little Good Wolf
    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ]
      Awwwl this is beautiful! i really wouldn't change a thing that i could see, it just seems perfect!

    I love it though, not just because it has delicate, beautiful imagery, but also because anyone can relate to it, even if they don't really like the darker genre...if they read through they can get it, and if they're really dumb they can at least see the last line and relate...but anyways i'm getting off the subject of this comment now, which is this story...so back on track!

    "The hawk heard the pale girl mutter something under her breath. Whether it was to herself or the strange grave stone, the hawk did not know, but all it could tell was that it sounded something like, "please take care...", and then the words faded, swallowed into the dense fog of the night.
    The girl lowered her veil, revealing eyes the color of the box itself, and fair features that seemed as if they would disappear if one did not gaze upon them for eternity. She opened the box, unveiling its contents as she had with her face."

    That whole little section was my favorite part...and i'm not really sure why, one of those reasons that's on the edge of your mind but doesn't want to jump off yet you know? but i love it, and it just made the piece for me i think...

    what is it though, that YOU got from this piece? i mean like, why did you write it, or more like what was the inspiration?

    ~chaos~
    | Posted on 2006-11-03 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      Awwwl this is beautiful! i really wouldn't change a thing that i could see, it just seems perfect!

    I love it though, not just because it has delicate, beautiful imagery, but also because anyone can relate to it, even if they don't really like the darker genre...if they read through they can get it, and if they're really dumb they can at least see the last line and relate...but anyways i'm getting off the subject of this comment now, which is this story...so back on track!

    "The hawk heard the pale girl mutter something under her breath. Whether it was to herself or the strange grave stone, the hawk did not know, but all it could tell was that it sounded something like, "please take care...", and then the words faded, swallowed into the dense fog of the night.
    The girl lowered her veil, revealing eyes the color of the box itself, and fair features that seemed as if they would disappear if one did not gaze upon them for eternity. She opened the box, unveiling its contents as she had with her face."

    That whole little section was my favorite part...and i'm not really sure why, one of those reasons that's on the edge of your mind but doesn't want to jump off yet you know? but i love it, and it just made the piece for me i think...

    what is it though, that YOU got from this piece? i mean like, why did you write it, or more like what was the inspiration?

    ~chaos~
    | Posted on 2006-11-03 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      Awwwl this is beautiful! i really wouldn't change a thing that i could see, it just seems perfect!

    I love it though, not just because it has delicate, beautiful imagery, but also because anyone can relate to it, even if they don't really like the darker genre...if they read through they can get it, and if they're really dumb they can at least see the last line and relate...but anyways i'm getting off the subject of this comment now, which is this story...so back on track!

    "The hawk heard the pale girl mutter something under her breath. Whether it was to herself or the strange grave stone, the hawk did not know, but all it could tell was that it sounded something like, "please take care...", and then the words faded, swallowed into the dense fog of the night.
    The girl lowered her veil, revealing eyes the color of the box itself, and fair features that seemed as if they would disappear if one did not gaze upon them for eternity. She opened the box, unveiling its contents as she had with her face."

    That whole little section was my favorite part...and i'm not really sure why, one of those reasons that's on the edge of your mind but doesn't want to jump off yet you know? but i love it, and it just made the piece for me i think...

    what is it though, that YOU got from this piece? i mean like, why did you write it, or more like what was the inspiration?

    ~chaos~
    | Posted on 2006-11-03 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]


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