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Rose Petal Fate

Author: S.A.M.
ASL Info:    26/f/xx
Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 476 /419 /138
Words: 139
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1367
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 842


Kinda related to "Spotlight Show For NoOne"

Please comment.

Rose Petal Fate

The Rambler walks on,
the cool gray road beneath him,
guilt racks his mind.

He reaches the overlook,
and takes the six string from his back,
without is his identity is lost.
The sky turns gray
above the fall painted mountains.
Carefully he steps onto the steel rail,
balance all that’s between
him and the long drop down.
His intent clear
to the cooling wind surrounding him.
A single red petal
drifts to his shoulder.
He thinks of the long dead rose,
Stored within his pocket,
Lost love has brought him here today.
A strong wind pushes at his back,
His foot slips . . .

Guilt racks his mind,
The cool gray road beneath him,
The Rambler walks on.

Submitted on 2006-11-01 11:44:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  "above the fall painted mountains."

There was your imagination and TALENT peaking out! I liked this one, though. Wonderful layout, and good descriptions.

The only thing I would exlain more is why he is there, don't just say he was there for love and then end it. And you should have brought in the dead rose in his pocket a long time ago. Again, you should have made this a little bit longer, and squeezed some more of that beautiful wording you have liek the line I mentioned above.

You overall did a good job, and I think this is a start of a great piece of write. What I ecspecially liked about the poem was how you repeated the first stanza in the end also, because the feel that I got was that even though his foot slips and obviously he dies, he still walks on, looking for his love that he lost or never had. Something else you didn't make clear. So, as always, you should make this a little longer and better with a revise.

Good job though, and it's one of my favorites out of all the ones I've read today, although still not quite good enough for favorites.

| Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
  excellent again...can definitely relate again
| Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by OrionsStorm | [ Reply to This ]
  wow wow wow wow that was some good stuff. Ru a guitar player cause you sure do seem like one and know how us performers are feeling. I love the line where u say

He reaches the overlook,
and takes the six string from his back,
without is his identity is lost.

this is exactly how I feel whenever I am on stage witout my guitar. (but I think u meant to say without IT his identity is lost)

I also love the lines that say

He thinks of the long dead rose,
Stored within his pocket,
Lost love has brought him here today

Cause sometimes ( actually alot of times) the hurt of a relationship is what comes out in alot of our music. This was a great poem and I believe that I will add this as a fav:)

much LOVE
| Posted on 2006-11-01 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]

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