Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deadly Figuredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ayane
    ASL Info:    17/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 71/128/60
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 832
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1026



    Description:
       Result of my frustration at everyone....and once again being bored in Science class


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeadly Figuredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Who is this girl that stares at me?
    This stranger will not let me be
    I try to make her go away
    But in the end, she grins and stays
    I hate this girl, with her fake smile
    How can one love her, tainted and vile?
    Doing nothing more than standig there
    Her eyes flickering, torturre me, and stare
    And her she stands, provoking my rage
    Trapped in her gaze, locked in her cage
    I just can't stand it! I must be free
    "Oh please, go away!" is all I plea
    Hanting faces, increasing my fear
    I let out a scream and shattered the mirror
    Her image flowing through my head
    The pain's too intense, I wish I were dead
    Why is she here? I must know why
    There' sinly one answer, this girl must die
    "It's over now! End your fun!"
    I reached in the drawer and pulled out a gun
    One last look, her now terrified figure
    "Farewell," I said, and pulled the....




    Submitted on 2006-11-01 18:10:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      very nice,
    i think you should have written triger at the end, the ...'s make the ending kinda sorta bla.
    otherwise this is awsome, and is very cool

    Isabella
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by IsabellaAurora | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this...I like the way it flows, ands as for the statement about the dot dot dot... I think it gives your poem some death. We know what you are going to say but we don't know what happened exactly. It leaves something to be desired, and want to hear more. I like it...So tell that other person to suck it!!!!!
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by redeemer | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this....i thought it was kind of funny because it reminds me of this girl that just randomly started talk to me one day..even though im sure you didnt intend for it to be that way...so sorry that you are frustrated..i know what its like to be bored in science class....i think that it would of been better if you would have wrote "Trigger" in the last line....the "dot dot dot's" at the end just make your really good poem somewhat sucky..lol..just what i think

    <3
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    123462

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    prison written by ShyOne
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Shi written by ShyOne
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Etiquette written by saartha
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Records I written by Raphael
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    Fasade written by jackz
    Love written by saartha
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry