Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deadly Figuredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ayane
    ASL Info:    17/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 71/128/60
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 789
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1026



    Description:
       Result of my frustration at everyone....and once again being bored in Science class


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeadly Figuredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Who is this girl that stares at me?
    This stranger will not let me be
    I try to make her go away
    But in the end, she grins and stays
    I hate this girl, with her fake smile
    How can one love her, tainted and vile?
    Doing nothing more than standig there
    Her eyes flickering, torturre me, and stare
    And her she stands, provoking my rage
    Trapped in her gaze, locked in her cage
    I just can't stand it! I must be free
    "Oh please, go away!" is all I plea
    Hanting faces, increasing my fear
    I let out a scream and shattered the mirror
    Her image flowing through my head
    The pain's too intense, I wish I were dead
    Why is she here? I must know why
    There' sinly one answer, this girl must die
    "It's over now! End your fun!"
    I reached in the drawer and pulled out a gun
    One last look, her now terrified figure
    "Farewell," I said, and pulled the....




    Submitted on 2006-11-01 18:10:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      very nice,
    i think you should have written triger at the end, the ...'s make the ending kinda sorta bla.
    otherwise this is awsome, and is very cool

    Isabella
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by IsabellaAurora | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this...I like the way it flows, ands as for the statement about the dot dot dot... I think it gives your poem some death. We know what you are going to say but we don't know what happened exactly. It leaves something to be desired, and want to hear more. I like it...So tell that other person to suck it!!!!!
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by redeemer | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this....i thought it was kind of funny because it reminds me of this girl that just randomly started talk to me one day..even though im sure you didnt intend for it to be that way...so sorry that you are frustrated..i know what its like to be bored in science class....i think that it would of been better if you would have wrote "Trigger" in the last line....the "dot dot dot's" at the end just make your really good poem somewhat sucky..lol..just what i think

    <3
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    123462

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Dream written by closetpoet
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Live In Between written by teika5
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry