Deadly Figure by Ayane

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Submission Name: Deadly Figure dots

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Author:	Ayane
ASL Info:	17/F/IL
Elite Ratio:	2.75 - 71/128/60
Words:	165

Class/Type:	Poetry/Death
Total Views:	1040
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1026

Description:
Result of my frustration at everyone....and once again being bored in Science class

Deadly Figure dots

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Who is this girl that stares at me?
This stranger will not let me be
I try to make her go away
But in the end, she grins and stays
I hate this girl, with her fake smile
How can one love her, tainted and vile?
Doing nothing more than standig there
Her eyes flickering, torturre me, and stare
And her she stands, provoking my rage
Trapped in her gaze, locked in her cage
I just can't stand it! I must be free
"Oh please, go away!" is all I plea
Hanting faces, increasing my fear
I let out a scream and shattered the mirror
Her image flowing through my head
The pain's too intense, I wish I were dead
Why is she here? I must know why
There' sinly one answer, this girl must die
"It's over now! End your fun!"
I reached in the drawer and pulled out a gun
One last look, her now terrified figure
"Farewell," I said, and pulled the....

Submitted on 2006-11-01 18:10:38 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  very nice,
i think you should have written triger at the end, the ...'s make the ending kinda sorta bla.
otherwise this is awsome, and is very cool

Isabella
| Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by IsabellaAurora | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked this...I like the way it flows, ands as for the statement about the dot dot dot... I think it gives your poem some death. We know what you are going to say but we don't know what happened exactly. It leaves something to be desired, and want to hear more. I like it...So tell that other person to suck it!!!!!
| Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by redeemer | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked this....i thought it was kind of funny because it reminds me of this girl that just randomly started talk to me one day..even though im sure you didnt intend for it to be that way...so sorry that you are frustrated..i know what its like to be bored in science class....i think that it would of been better if you would have wrote "Trigger" in the last line....the "dot dot dot's" at the end just make your really good poem somewhat sucky..lol..just what i think

<3
| Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.