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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hush Little Baby...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: imaginarylight6
    ASL Info:    17/f/under your bed
    Elite Ratio:    2.31 - 27/45/33
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 945
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 555



    Description:
       One of my sick, twisted poems.
    Enjoy! ^___^


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHush Little Baby...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hush little baby,
    Rest your head
    Daddy doesn't love you
    And mommy is dead.
    All the pain
    That you've been through
    Abandoned once more
    In a dark avenue
    All the lies
    That you've been taught
    All those bad dreams
    That you have fought
    They haunt you once
    They haunt you twice
    To no longer be lonesome
    Would be so nice.
    So rest your head
    And count your sheep
    Soon you'll be forever
    In a land of sleep




    Submitted on 2006-11-02 20:06:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    That was bloody well marvelous!!!

    Such a black little nursery-rhyme... The kind I would lull my child to sleep with, for sure...

    I'll have to favorite this work, most hastily.

    I can make you two suggestions though:

    "And mommy's dead." ---flows better than that 'is'...

    &

    "Soon you'll be forever
    In a land of sleep..." ---still flows well with the meter AND denotes the state of death more...


    Great work!

    -Ceyx
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmmm... that is a very strong poem. good job. I liked that it expressed such pain. it'll be a favorite i'm sure. kee up the good work.
    have fun,
    bradley
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by bradengine | [ Reply to This ]
      the title to this is ingenious... i really liked the twist. the little bit of rhyme was creative in how you fit it in the poem. thanks for sharing.
    ali
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by Ali Marie | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey this is so full of emotion and it hit me like whoa! i think you did a kick a$s job writing this...
    can i ask is it personal and what were you thinking when you wrote it....
    great job seriously im adding this to my favs....
    Keep it up
    Peace
    Star
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by Star | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i super liked this write. i'm adding it to my favorites. very good work
    </3 lisa
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]
      were did you come u with this poem
    i really like the begining it was sad
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by gloomyanddoomy | [ Reply to This ]


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    123598

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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