I'll Be All Right by Star

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Submission Name: I'll Be All Right dots

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Author:	Star
ASL Info:	15 F WI
Elite Ratio:	2.69 - 125/127/42
Words:	130

Class/Type:	Misc/Death
Total Views:	742
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	845

Description:
so i had to write a elegy for my poetry class and this is what i came up with tell me what you think

I'll Be All Right dots

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I see a face so porcelain like.
A face that will haunt me in the night.
Peaceful, a stillness that can't belong.
It's still hard to believe that you're gone.

A void is now inside of my heart.
In the place where only you took part.
In a better place now you must be.
Don't worry, 'cuz soon you will see me.

Scared I may be, but not alone here.
I can feel it, you'll always be near.
Silently tears streak down my pained face.
Your memories I cannot erase.

I will scream your name, I'll yell, I'll shout.
Tears pour from my soul, I'm all worn out.
A calm begins to fill me with light.
Suddenly I know I'll be all right.

Submitted on 2006-11-02 20:45:08 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
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||| Comments |||
this is really cute and i liked it a lot.
i just really hate how it seemed like you were struggling with the rhyme pattern.
the lines didn't have enough syllables and so it kinda made it suck.
but i love the description and the memories it put in my head for the first stanza.
and all the things billy just said,
he's told me before and i have no choice but to accept it and hold it.
keep writing.
i hope to read more soon.
Peace<3

<bleedingtears>
| Posted on 2006-12-30 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
this is really good. i can relate to this piece cause in my opinion, this is about you or someone close to you losing someone that you really cared about. i too lost a friend in 2003...its where i get most of my inspiration from. even though she is gone, she will still be here with me everyday cause i will always carry her memory with me everywhere i go. i wish i could read more stuff like this, cause it's really good to see that someone can take some sort of bad event from their life and turn it into such a wonderful piece of work. the way i look at it is, you cant change the past...what happened, happened for a reason...so when something bad happenes we need to move on and try to make the end result as positive as we possibly can...at least thats what i did. keep up the good work and i will keep reading them.

billy
| Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by kession | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.