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    dots Submission Name: I'll Be All Rightdots

    Author: Star
    ASL Info:    15 F WI
    Elite Ratio:    2.69 - 125/127/42
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Misc/Death
    Total Views: 742
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 845

       so i had to write a elegy for my poetry class and this is what i came up with tell me what you think

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'll Be All Rightdots

    I see a face so porcelain like.
    A face that will haunt me in the night.
    Peaceful, a stillness that can't belong.
    It's still hard to believe that you're gone.

    A void is now inside of my heart.
    In the place where only you took part.
    In a better place now you must be.
    Don't worry, 'cuz soon you will see me.

    Scared I may be, but not alone here.
    I can feel it, you'll always be near.
    Silently tears streak down my pained face.
    Your memories I cannot erase.

    I will scream your name, I'll yell, I'll shout.
    Tears pour from my soul, I'm all worn out.
    A calm begins to fill me with light.
    Suddenly I know I'll be all right.

    Submitted on 2006-11-02 20:45:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is really cute and i liked it a lot.
    i just really hate how it seemed like you were struggling with the rhyme pattern.
    the lines didn't have enough syllables and so it kinda made it suck.
    but i love the description and the memories it put in my head for the first stanza.
    and all the things billy just said,
    he's told me before and i have no choice but to accept it and hold it.
    keep writing.
    i hope to read more soon.

    | Posted on 2006-12-30 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really good. i can relate to this piece cause in my opinion, this is about you or someone close to you losing someone that you really cared about. i too lost a friend in 2003...its where i get most of my inspiration from. even though she is gone, she will still be here with me everyday cause i will always carry her memory with me everywhere i go. i wish i could read more stuff like this, cause it's really good to see that someone can take some sort of bad event from their life and turn it into such a wonderful piece of work. the way i look at it is, you cant change the past...what happened, happened for a reason...so when something bad happenes we need to move on and try to make the end result as positive as we possibly can...at least thats what i did. keep up the good work and i will keep reading them.

    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by kession | [ Reply to This ]

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