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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ~MORE, MORE, MORE~dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: redeemer
    ASL Info:    19/female/venus
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 85/93/58
    Words: 196
    Class/Type: Misc/Venting
    Total Views: 666
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1209



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots~MORE, MORE, MORE~dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I plan to much...
    Is this why we don't get along?
    Do my plans not meet yours?
    That's it isn't it?
    That's why you left me here this way?

    I talk to much...
    So you tell me to shut up?
    Do my words stab your heart when they come out?
    Is that why you torture me with what you couldn't say?

    I love you too much...
    But is it my fault I feel this way?
    Why couldn't you return what I felt?
    Couldn't you make my pain go away?

    I'm around to much...
    Should I go away?
    Do you want me to disappear and go astray?
    Should I abandon you?
    Is that what you want?
    It makes me cringe, when I think of that thought...

    Is anything ever gonna be good enough for you?
    There's just too much for you
    Why should I suffer because you can't be a man about anything?
    Why is it my fault?
    Why do I take the blame?
    Why do we keep on going living this way?
    I mean lived?
    You're not with me now
    Because I couldn't take giving you to much more of anything...




    Submitted on 2006-11-02 22:41:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this one. It explodes with emotion and frankly i love to read something that a) i could relate to and b) get images as i read further and well with this i was given both. My heart started to pounded when i came across,

    "I'm around to much...
    Should I go away?
    Do you want me to disappear and go astray?
    Should I abandon you?
    Is that what you want?
    It makes me cringe, when I think of that thought..."

    this litterally brings a tear to my eye for for something to catch me emotionally is a great write. I felt as though i needed to open my wing and help, so yet again excellent work!

    -Romeo
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by Romeo | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree 100% with Day DreaMeR....I thought this write was rather good. I enjoyed the way it carried it's own style and flow to it and it was so relatable. Everybody knows how it feel to be too much.

    I'm around to much...
    Should I go away?
    Do you want me to disappear and go astray?
    Should I abandon you?
    Is that what you want?
    It makes me cringe, when I think of that thought...

    this was my favorite stanza because it layed out so many feeling and emotions at oncu and it so connects the reader with a feeling of sorrow and pain and avenge and disgust...lol

    great write
    llcollins
    | Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
      Well to first start off I disagree with Poly Jean because if you have questions in this they need to have question marks. Am I right? And because this is more of a rant thought right there really is no rephrasing thoughts because how they come out is just how they come out. Really can't change those things and again these kind of writes are hard to criticize. Haha I love disagreeing with other writers sometimes. You brought up some good stuff in this write. Maybe bring this to his attention? It would do some good. Much gangsta lovin'!!!
    | Posted on 2006-11-03 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm, this could be interesting. I see what youíre trying to say. I like how you pictured this one ( with a certain statement in the first line of every stanza). I just didnít like too many question marks. You could try and rephrase your thoughts in a different form.
    | Posted on 2006-11-03 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]


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