Description: i wrote this after breaking up with my ex(it still hurts to even call her that)...second poem iv ever written
Love -------------------------------------------
Being in love to some can seem like a gift from above.
But for me it seems to be constant misery.
I know its my fault and that there is none to blame.
I just dont understand how she can no longer feel the same.
Doesnt she remember the times we laughed?
Or all the things we shared from our pasts?
I just wish she could forget the bad and remember the good.
I do, but im the one who was constantly without A clue.
I love her deeply and my love is true.
Does it matter? Can she truely be through?
I wish I could show her I am new.
Lord i ask you now to teach me how to preach out loud.
To say the things I think inside.
To free my being and to begin seeing the pain behind my pride.
I like the emotion in this piece, u can tell how hurt u were and still r, it's sad, but always keep ur head up. things will always get better even when they don't seem like it.
love and pain seem to go hand in hand. something so beautiful should not be so full of pain, it's not right, but its a fact. lovely piece, expressing deep raw feeling. top marks from me! michelle
no one should have to know how it is to lose the one you love.... its heart breaking and shattering by now you'd think people would learn how strong those words are and that they should never be thrown around lightly...but things happen. anyways this is a great write and hopefully some of your questions will be answered...i wish i could answer them but sadly i know no more than you rachelle
I can relate to this so much. Love seems to bring nothing but misery with few times of joy. It makes you wonder if this is truly what love is or is it something you imagine. Love is a mystery. Katana
This is very sad HOWEVER You expressed your inner most feelings very well with this I Like where you ask The Lord to help you express yourself better to those you Love Believe he Heard you and will help you Move Forward in Life Nicely Said One of the most important parts of a write to me is the emotion put into it And you put a tremendous amount of emotion into this Graet Job God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
This is very sad HOWEVER You expressed your inner most feelings very well with this I Like where you ask The Lord to help you express yourself better to those you Love Believe he Heard you and will help you Move Forward in Life Nicely Said One of the most important parts of a write to me is the emotion put into it And you put a tremendous amount of emotion into this Graet Job God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
This is very sad HOWEVER You expressed your inner most feelings very well with this I Like where you ask The Lord to help you express yourself better to those you Love Believe he Heard you and will help you Move Forward in Life Nicely Said One of the most important parts of a write to me is the emotion put into it And you put a tremendous amount of emotion into this Graet Job God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
Hey.. this poem's theme isn't esoteric in nature at all.. But I sincerely think you do it shame in your poem... not to be harsh or what not... but you shoot out a bunch of simple ideas, half-apply rules to them - rhyming and possibly metering that I haven't checked - and expect it to be something of a poem. Personally, I think a poem needs some kind of a metaphor before it can truely be initiated to the world of poetry... Not only that, but you have so many mistakes in this piece.... *for* me it seems... *there is none* to blame - noone you meant maybe? - *its* my fault.... I could keep pointing them out but... I'm not going to bother... I seriously think this piece needs major reworking if you want it to even resemble a poem...
I also suggest that you pay attention to the use of capitalization, and punctuation... because those two aspects on their own can add so much to the aesthetics of the piece - be it on a subconcious level or not.... And this piece lacks a lot of visual beauty. It kind of looks like on of those longer-than-two-lines-math-problem that nobody wants to read, ever.
My two pennies' worth.
Outlaw P.S: Please don't take offense... these are just opinions and personal notes.. you can ignore them entirely if you want...
I like it, and I've felt like that before. I hate it. I feel the same as in love is not really a gift, but more as a misery, because in time no matter if things are good or bad they all end, usually right after I've already given in and accepted love. It's aweful. But I do like your poem a lot. Tina
Submission Name: Love
