[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: I died tomorrowdots

    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1023
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 994

       I WROTE ABOUT A person in a coma and life its just as they come to. Kinda sad..its how i feel aboout choices..hard ones..so i guess overeall its metaphoric. When i have to choose between something usually i choose the wrong thinmg..leads to worse thing..and in the end your choice kinda has a hold on u..no turning back no changing it...it meets u at ur deaths..every single bad choice uve made..then u realize..wait..it was a bad choice but if i didnt do that.."this" wouldve happend ya know...so ur bad choices end up being ur friend..and no enemies are allowed at funerals..or are they?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI died tomorrowdots

    On the outside
    calm am i
    Inside panic screams

    now captured in the hourglass
    the rhythm of falling sand
    reminds me of the sign language
    for running


    Do i get out
    if time continues while you
    freeze in one spot?

    What then does that imply for the future?
    An invisble bonding bursts
    causing the glass to crack as my eyes open for the first time

    My hearing is back!
    My sight!
    Personal sanction lifted

    The climax is seen below
    i emerge myself into fallen time
    It rains into the past

    Deep in the coma i think
    chains on me break as a whistle
    is heard calling my name

    Times up!
    Exactly 9:52am

    I spit and swallow at the same
    Ptu! Goodbye misery
    Gulp! Hello soothing death

    See you tomorrow at the funeral

    Submitted on 2004-05-27 15:33:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      what pray tell is it about,,,,,NO just kidding i really like it i don't think that it gets redundant i think i flows smoothly from beat to beat ,,, i like the images.. thanks
    | Posted on 2004-05-27 00:00:00 | by slickone113 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the sound effects, keep them. They're stylistic, they make it yours. For some reason, the middle just seems redundant, because I like the pieces before. From "personal sanction lifted" to "Time's up!"... but the pieces before and after that, like the sign language, the swoosh, the sound effects at the end.... it was so unique!
    | Posted on 2004-05-27 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the way you write it, it's different but really good. The message also gets through in a good way when you write it like this
    | Posted on 2004-05-27 00:00:00 | by Nagow | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]