Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Dinnerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: drow
    ASL Info:    29/male/married
    Elite Ratio:    2.41 - 14/16/7
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 673
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 629



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Dinnerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Flames light the candles.
    The bottle pours the wine.
    The radio plays the music.

    The candle light dances off the walls.
    The smell of vanilla surrounds the room.
    A clear night sky
    from the window beside the table.

    Fresh cut vegetable's.
    Golden piece of chicken
    covered in a honey glaze.

    Poor more water for the roses.
    Sniff them to make sure they are right.

    Spend two hours on myself
    making sure my hair is right.
    Have to make this perfect,
    because I have a perfect wife.





    Submitted on 2006-11-03 17:57:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey,

    Wonderful poem.

    You say you want thoughts, so I'll give you mine momentarily.

    Just one spelling error I see, probably an typing error.

    'Poor* more water for the roses.
    Sniff them to make sure they are right.'

    ~ Pour*

    Otherwise, the formatting is excellent. It is good free verse. Well written, and all that jazz.



    Now for my thoughts:

    With your words you lay out a perfect and quite romantic setting. The personification for the flames, bottle, and radio adds an air of mystery to your poem. Well said.

    The second stanza probably draws me in most. Or it could be the third because I have an obsession with food of any sort.

    Although, I would have to say that second stanza is my favorite. Great wording, a wonderful setting. Your wife would be in awe. :)

    Roses may be cliché, but they are still romantic eh?

    How sweet, trying to make everything absolutely perfect for a perfect wife. This is a truely wonderful read. I enjoyed it.

    I'll have to check out some more of your writing.

    ~Jessica B.
    | Posted on 2006-11-03 00:00:00 | by Saiyura | [ Reply to This ]
      that is so wiil put..also so sweet..i liked it..good job..very nice read..
    | Posted on 2006-11-03 00:00:00 | by DeathsWife | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    123700

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry