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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Good Grammardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LucyDiamond
    ASL Info:    17/F/Sky
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 365/575/251
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1072
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 282



    Description:
       Words, words, words... lovely, lovely, lovely...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGood Grammardots
    -------------------------------------------


    You are the first and the last
    sentence of my favorite novel,
    innocent exclamation,
    and comma kisses.

    Don’t make me imply a question mark,
    Capitalize All Your Letters.
    Let yours words write themselves
    on all my pages.




    Submitted on 2006-11-03 21:15:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is beautiful. Short sweet, and potent. Your use of simple imagery is excellent. 'comma kisses' I lvoe it. This is going on my favorites.
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by Clarkie | [ Reply to This ]
      Lucy,

    I've just discovered this. It is so well done! I'm very impressed. Perfect in its simple ambiguity. The metaphor is woven with skill and truly works. Here you have achieved true content through mastery of form. And that is what poetry is all about.
    And I'm not just returning the "fav". I really like this.

    Best,
    PH

    PS Do you know E.E. Cummings? If you don't, I'm sure you'll enjoy this (similar to yours in the metaphors at the end):

    since feeling is first
    who pays any attention
    to the syntax of things
    will never wholly kiss you;

    wholly to be a fool
    while Spring is in the world

    my blood approves,
    and kisses are a far better fate
    than wisdom
    lady i swear by all flowers. Don’t cry
    -–the best gesture of my brain is less than
    your eyelids’ flutter which says

    we are for eachother: then
    laugh, leaning back in my arms
    for life’s not a paragraph

    And death i think is no parenthesis
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by Lerlim | [ Reply to This ]
      I couldn't have said this better myself :) And yes, it's more than true how some can pick your grammar, as well as anything else in the written word apart. Is poetry not for expression, and less of how to pick someone apart for thier minor grammatical errors?

    I write from the heart...and sometimes, I get so caught up in the words flowing from within me, that I might mistakenly forget to put in a comma...or a period! (Oh dear no! Anything but that!) The fact is, everyone see's things so differently..just don't get caught up in what the anal parties have to say about your poetry. Be you, stay solid in who you are, and don't sweat the small stuff!

    That's my grasshopper, fortune cookie bullcrap for the day...lol.


    Great piece!


    In the blink of an eye,

    Sorrel
    | Posted on 2006-11-21 00:00:00 | by SorrelsReality | [ Reply to This ]
      This made me laugh, Lucy. And that's a good thing!

    When i first saw it, i thought 'wow, that's awfully short! must be good and quick.'

    I was in no way disappointed, thankfully to say. This is a wonderful analogy you've presented here -one which i honestly wish i could've come up with myself. It does seem almost like a fragment... perhaps one more stanza would round it off. But, in light of the tone, it seems that you intended to let the words themselves hang -as if waiting for a reply to be written in 'all your pages'.

    There were just a few typo thingies (as in 'Let your*s* words') but overall, i found the flow to be very appealing. Casual, true, but genuine. The first stanza threw me off a tiny bit -are the exclamations and commas in the novel, or are also the things your subject is in? Still, makes one think.

    I'm delighted that my browser decided to let me comment once more! Yay!... Forgive me for a lack in the past.

    -Ari
    | Posted on 2006-11-04 00:00:00 | by Ari Leukos | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very original and unique idea. Generally when I click something to read on the elite posts page, I am usually dissapointed. ive come to expect that much thus far. So this was a nice change.

    I was pleased, to say the least. Impressed even. Like I said, it's a very original idea, I find it very cool and intriguing. I write in a similar fashion to this. Well, I mean I also utilize creative, non-conventional ideals and metaphors. A lot of people do, but only a few can forge something so interesting and well written.

    Here are a few slight suggestions:

    "You are the first and the last sentence
    of my favorite novel,
    [composed of] innocent exclamation,
    and comma kisses.

    Do [not] make me imply a question mark.
    [Be Sure To] Capitalize All [Of] Your Letters.
    [And] let your(s) words write themselves
    on [*every one of] my pages."

    I don't have much I can say to improve upon this piece. I just changed the structure a tiny bit, the way I read it, and how it sounded in my head, to try and help the flow, but it's up to you to take my advice or not, you're the author.

    The words in [] brackets are words you may choose to add if you deem fit, as they aid the flow some. I think you intended to write it this way, in short, choppy sentences, like most poems end up, and if that's what you want keep it, I'm just trying to help if you didn't. I like it personally better this way, but as I said, you're the author.

    Just as the reader I just sensed it was a bit off, the pauses and starts and emphasises on the words, so I rearranged it a bit. The words is () brackets are typos, that you should correct.

    Anyways, those are my thoughts, and i hope they were helpful/well received. Thanks for sharing your work, it was delightful to read. Take care, and if you have time check out my work if you'd like. Continue to write and I'll continue to read!

    *I changed it from 'all' to that because you use 'all' in the previous line.
    | Posted on 2006-11-04 00:00:00 | by heartlessname | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    123730

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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