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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rosiedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jeniffer
    ASL Info:    18/f/earth
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 240/279/81
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1093
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1138



    Description:
       True story; Rosie the bear is now fully restored, washed and mended by hand, restuffed, and dressed in a brand new outfit. She sits above my bed every night, and sometimes on my desk during the day. Boy, does she look happy...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRosiedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rosie, oh Rosie, I remember you very well,
    and the warm, loving arms I wrapped you in.
    It's been a long time since I've seen you,
    but at last we are now together again.

    I remember your soft pink nose covered in felt
    and a pattern of roses on beautiful robins egg blue;
    how your paws were white with polka dots,
    and the lace color your wore when you were still brand new.

    Your head is falling off and lolling sideways,
    the stuffing's coming out all over the place!
    though the stains have faded all your roses,
    you still have that sweet expression on your face.

    I realize how much the memories have grown,
    how much smaller and more pathetic you seem here and now;
    but though I'd thought that I'd forgotten how to see through a child's eyes, it seems I almost still know how.

    I remember how alive you seemed back then,
    how you were one of a kind just because you were mine; even though you almost seemed to answer back,
    it was only me loving you all the time.




    Submitted on 2006-11-03 22:48:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is original and nice. You've evidently put a lot of thought into what you feel/felt for your bear, and then drawn the poem to an insightful conclusion:

    it was only
    me
    loving you
    all the time.


    The only complaint I have is that the poem is too long. I admit I got bored during stanzas 2,3 and 4, to the extent of wandering over to another browser window for a while. I think these could be condensed into one stanza. Personally, I would completely cut out stanza 3 as you don't have a lot of description there.

    (Also,

    the time must having deepened
    all your tears.


    doesn't make grammatical sense!)

    However, I'm glad I kept reading, for:

    the memories have grown,
    how much smaller
    and more pathetic
    you seem here and now


    I like this bit :) You've grown up and left her behind, forming new memories without her. Poor Rosie.

    On the whole, it's a good poem. But you could edit it to trim it down and make it better.

    T x
    | Posted on 2006-11-04 00:00:00 | by tulip | [ Reply to This ]
      The second stanza is very heartwarming and childlike; perfect for the poem. Oh how it is with those teddy bears that were always there for us! I really like the idea of your poem, it's nice to remember these things, and the few rhymes you included tied your ideas in nicely for the most part. I was a bit confused by the spacings, but then I didn't spend THAT much time figuring them out.

    I'm going to thank my teddy for everything it's ever done for me tonight. Thanks, Peace, LucyDiamond
    | Posted on 2006-11-03 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]


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