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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I'd Rather Notdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ensult
    ASL Info:    19/Male/New York
    Elite Ratio:    3.01 - 115/114/31
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 1326
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 503



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'd Rather Notdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'd rather not continue with this
    Our feudal arguments
    Our repetitive conversations
    I can't satisfy you
    I can't meet your needs
    I can't make you happy
    I'd rather not go any longer
    You frustrate me often
    Our minds don't meet
    We never agree on anything
    We never like the same things
    Not all opposites attract
    And we're the perfect example
    I'd rather not be with you anymore




    Submitted on 2004-05-27 17:02:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey, good opening.

    I'd rather not continue with this
    Our feudal arguments
    Our repetitive conversations

    Now the middle, you took a shortcut.

    can't satisfy you
    I can't meet your needs
    I can't make you happy

    Now there is nothing wrong with these three lines, but I have to believe the author who wrote the first three could come up with more descriptive words to convey the ideas in the next three.

    can't satisfy you
    I can't meet your needs
    I can't make you happy

    ditto

    We never agree on anything
    We never like the same things

    and again. Unless you copied the first three lines from something else you read I believe you could do better on the others. Now your end.

    Not all opposites attract
    And we're the perfect example
    I'd rather not be with you anymore

    This is better. Here is my idea for the last three, just so you have a contrast.

    Not all opposites attract,
    we're the poster kids for that.
    And I'd rather not be with you
    anymore.

    Sometimes I just write down a bunch of seemingly unassociated words on a pad before I go to bed and I wake up with a lot of them in a poem. I've always got pieces of poems half worked in my head. Good luck.


    | Posted on 2004-05-27 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]


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