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    dots Submission Name: Hidden Eyesdots

    Author: smartblond
    ASL Info:    18/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 97/114/33
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 620
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1386


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    dotsHidden Eyesdots

    He could hear the sounds of sirens
    The cold steal against his flesh
    His past memories now a fresh

    The click of sliding steal doors
    Cold and sterile concrete floors
    He could hear the judges boom
    Sending him to his doom

    He thought he'd been so cautious
    He thought he's been so wise
    But in the shadows hid a pair of eyes
    That now held the secret to his ultimate demise

    How foolish he had been to think
    Into the shadows he could slink
    That nothing could go wrong
    His cocky ways did not stay cocky long

    He thought he had gotten away
    He thought that was the end
    But wasn't he suprised
    By what came from behind the bend

    He now realized the mistake he'd made
    His once great satisfaction from his charade
    His crime he thought was so well played
    Pride now ultimately began to fade

    As a product of his stupid flaws
    He found himself trapped in the jaws
    Of those watching eyes

    They saw his dark plan unfold
    And now he saw what his future would hold
    Unless! unless he could make them go away
    These eyes were now his definite prey
    A pesky prey that it was time to slay

    Submitted on 2006-11-04 15:29:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I can only tell that your poem caught my attention a lot, I couldn't stop reading I liked the flow on this one. Good job. I personally am a fan of eyes, you can tell so much in the eyes of someone. When you don't know what someone want, thinks or feels just look into their eyes
    | Posted on 2006-11-04 00:00:00 | by rachel gless | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. It wasn't what I expected when I saw the title, but it was still very good. The flow was perfect and so was your word choice. I could really see everything in my head. Especially in your second stanza. And the the story was intruiging. I pictured a murderer who was caught, and is now trying to escape again. I thought it was cool how you left the end that way. It's like one of those scary movies you see without the happy ending. You know something bad might happen but they end it before you can see. Ok, well maybe it isn't exactly like that, but it is sort of. Alright, I'm just going to stop now. But anyways, good poem.

    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]

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