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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Luxuria (First Deadly Sin)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Syn
    Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 115/136/83
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 956
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1091



    Description:
       The first in a series of seven, each pertaining to one of the seven deadly sins. This one is, obviously, lust. "In Purgatorio, the penitent must walk through fire to purge away the lustful thoughts".


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLuxuria (First Deadly Sin)dots
    -------------------------------------------







    dance among the flames
    burn the thoughts away

    with haughty eyes, i'll stare you down
    when roses come to flush my cheek
    my milky thighs are dripping, now
    come ravage me while i am weak

    dance among the flames
    burn the thoughts away

    touch my waist, then slither slowly
    and place your tongue where it belongs
    i shall writhe against all that is holy
    i feel so much better when i'm doing wrong

    dance among the flames
    burn the thoughts away

    you stand and stare, like you can't see
    that my body fills with a painful lust
    i crave your touch! -my final plea
    now, pay for my sins, i must, i must...

    dance among the flames
    burn the thoughts awaaay...



    _______________________________________________________




    Submitted on 2006-11-04 15:49:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i can't say much more than others already have here.

    reminds me of the song.."if lovin' you is wrong, i don't wanna be right"

    and i like the repeated chorus...like...let me burn in your flame...i don't want to think about consequences, future anything at all..i just want the moment...

    yes...i like..."fuck me slutty" really attacked me..this one a bit more mellow in its grab..but i like it.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-08-14 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Syn, I find myself beginning sucked into your refreshing and complex mind. Your writing captures me, screaming at me so that I can read this, and say that this is one of my fav. I find mysef loving this poem and really encourage you to continue your series. I can't wait for the rest.

    Such a wonderful piece of work!

    with haughty eyes, i'll stare you down
    when roses come to flush my cheek
    my milky thighs are dripping, now
    come ravage me while i am weak

    Aroused, waiting for you to take your claim upon my wanton by, come while I am weak, and willing to surrender myself.

    dance among the flames
    burn the thoughts away

    Repretion of, i must pay for my sins.

    touch my waist, then slither slowly
    and place your tongue where it belongs
    i shall writhe against all that is holy
    i feel so much better when i'm doing wrong

    cause me to feel this final pleasure, I can feel you wanting to...seduce me and drive me wild.

    you stand and stare, like you can't see
    that my body fills with a painful lust
    i crave your touch! -my final plea
    now, pay for my sins, i must, i must...

    Acting as if you can't fulfill me, please do, my body is screaming for you, don't deny me this. The flames are waiting to purge me of this wicked, thoughts, but hell, I'm not really to give them up.

    Geez, you really can get someone to break this down, huh? Thank you for such a wonderful write. I find this...not arousing...but intriguing...






    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Twisted | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the argument thats happening here...

    i mean... you start kinda wanting or willing or ready to purge yourself of this deadly sin but perhaps right as you stepped up to the altar or opened the door to the confession box or something you got distracted... very very much so and its like theres a fight between purity or redeeming yourself and doing it now and redemption later...

    forgiveness is always easier to get than permission...

    you know... usually i think pieces like this are distasteful... i think im just not as open with such things lol but i think the way you kinda broke it all up with the catch line of purgatory about walking through the flames kept the rest from being distasteful really

    i think the idea of writing about each sin individually is a cool idea... im gonna have to follow them through of that you can be sure...
    itd be interesting if everyone tried to do it... the diversity of the pieces about the exact same topics... ha!



    | Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This isvery good and reminds of this guy I used work with. He made no effort to hide the way his eyes traveled my form as he scanned every inch of me. I think it might be mind blower if you'll pardon the pun, because there are so few comments here. I think its just right though and puts those who have just a little more lust than they should at a disadvantage!

    Heh, i love how you did it too. You don't even display the human form so much as hint at it, and that is masterful. Up until the waist,
    oh I guess I did forget those dripping parts? we're sort of in our own basket of sin!

    I've been known to be a pretty good writer of love poems with a little edgey desire thrown in. But this is erotica and it's very well done. Just look at the comment below this one, I should not like to name the animal it might be..

    But while I'm on the subject there is an outpouring of interest in these kinds of work at elite, I think we've grown a bunch of 15 year olds with horns and tails and they are looking for any kind of pseudo-porn they can find. But you've managed to keep this alluring and stay on your theme, well I think it's damn good.

    thanks for sharing,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good description of lust. Very suggestive images appear in my head when I read this.

    This poem is the epitome of lust. Going against all that is holy, oh it is so good, pleading for more, then off to pay for your sins. Wow. This one hit me deep. Although I have never had intercourse, I have still looked at...naughty things...for years I have done it...it is a terrible addiction, worse than any drug. And whenever I am finished, I feel horrible afterwards.

    This poem also brought tears to my eyes. It is very powerful. I can't wait to see your poems for the other 6 sins.

    | Posted on 2006-11-04 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]
      Syn,

    My favorite so far of yours.

    I actually thought the rhyme scheme worked quite well and I rarely enjoy rhyme in poetry. But you do it so good.

    I loved this:

    touch my waist, then slither slowly
    and place your tongue where it belongs
    i shall writhe against all that is holy
    i feel so much better when i'm doing wrong


    Very sensual and expertly written.

    I like the concept of the different poems for the different sins. Some writers try to express them all in one but they really need their own styles/formats.

    I'ms greatly looking forward to seeing what you do with the others.

    Cheers,

    ~DQ


    | Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by drowning_queen | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh lordy I loooove to sin. This just so happens to be my favorite sin. You wrote exceptionally well this time round. I know so cuz it stimulated my mind and my "MIND" all puns intended. I like the idea of the 7 individual parts to cover the sins. Good concept. Good descriptions. Good gotdamm. I'm gonna go take a cold shower now!

    Mike
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by fryte | [ Reply to This ]


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