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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Her Fantasy Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: smartblond
    ASL Info:    18/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 97/114/33
    Words: 174
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 873
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1068



    Description:
       Yep my life was perfect I was top of my class and I had tons of friends and this guy that liked me,and then I got sick with a neuromusclar disease and now I in school about 3 days every month because i'm sick all the time.
    I'm just a girl in an unfair world


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHer Fantasy Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    She was just a girl
    In a fairytale world
    She couldn't tell were
    The fantasy ended
    And the reality began

    They said she could go far
    She was way above the par
    She was going to be a star

    She had beauty rare
    With her skin so fair
    Her hair was golden thread
    Her lips were molten red

    She was just a girl
    In a fairytale world
    She couldn't tell were
    The fantasy ended
    And the reality began

    One day things got weird
    Her perfect future smeared
    Her life began to fray
    And to this very day
    Her life's in disarray

    She was just a girl
    In a unfair world
    She couldn't tell were
    The nightmare ended
    and reality began

    This story is really true
    And If you only knew
    Then you would cry for that girl too

    I know that girl
    And so do you
    This story is mine
    And it is true




    Submitted on 2006-11-04 16:35:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I would be sorry for a weak person, but you are strong. There's something to cry about!

    Honour and admiration is another thing.
    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice ending and I liked how you repeated the one stanza and then twisted it in the end.


    She was just a girl
    In a fairytale world
    She couldn't tell were
    The fantasy ended
    And the reality began


    The only complaint I have is that that repeating stanza didn't rhyme like the others. I'm not one to rhyme my lines, but you should either rhyme all or not. But other than that you got your point across clearly and it flowed fairly okay. Good job!

    Peace V

    Ren
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Renada | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, first of all. Good poem. Really liked the rhyming, and the word usage and all that.

    Second, the story was very sad, but I also know what it's like to live in a fantasy world. Always wanting something better. Always dreaming but never quite accomplishing anything else. In your case, it's harder though, because it's not your fault. The way my life is going, is pretty much all because of the things i've done.

    And then third, don't ever give up hope. Things can get really bad sometimes, but they can also get really good. Life is a never ending rollar coaster, and as much as that line sucks, its the truth. You could be on top of the world one day, and then the next you could be stuck at the bottom, with no hope of getting back up. Just keep on smiling. That's what my friend always tells me, and it always shocks me because she's been through so much.

    Again, good poem. I can tell that this was pretty easy for you to write, seeing as how your living it right now. I however, have already written everything about my life. Now I'm going to have to start making stuff up.

    ~Piper
    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of myself...only my fantasy world is between my real life and what happens in my brain. on the outside i am the girl in the fairytale world, but on the inside i have a smeared future.

    This story is really true
    and if you only knew
    then you would cry for that girl too

    i really liked these lines. because so many people walk around faking happiness and no one knows what is really going on. many of those stories could make people cry.

    it was a very good write.
    ~M
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by uonlyknew | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of myself...only my fantasy world is between my real life and what happens in my brain. on the outside i am the girl in the fairytale world, but on the inside i have a smeared future.

    This story is really true
    and if you only knew
    then you would cry for that girl too

    i really liked these lines. because so many people walk around faking happiness and no one knows what is really going on. many of those stories could make people cry.

    it was a very good write.
    ~M
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by uonlyknew | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of myself...only my fantasy world is between my real life and what happens in my brain. on the outside i am the girl in the fairytale world, but on the inside i have a smeared future.

    This story is really true
    and if you only knew
    then you would cry for that girl too

    i really liked these lines. because so many people walk around faking happiness and no one knows what is really going on. many of those stories could make people cry.

    it was a very good write.
    ~M
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by uonlyknew | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of myself...only my fantasy world is between my real life and what happens in my brain. on the outside i am the girl in the fairytale world, but on the inside i have a smeared future.

    This story is really true
    and if you only knew
    then you would cry for that girl too

    i really liked these lines. because so many people walk around faking happiness and no one knows what is really going on. many of those stories could make people cry.

    it was a very good write.
    ~M
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by uonlyknew | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of myself...only my fantasy world is between my real life and what happens in my brain. on the outside i am the girl in the fairytale world, but on the inside i have a smeared future.

    This story is really true
    and if you only knew
    then you would cry for that girl too

    i really liked these lines. because so many people walk around faking happiness and no one knows what is really going on. many of those stories could make people cry.

    it was a very good write.
    ~M
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by uonlyknew | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of myself...only my fantasy world is between my real life and what happens in my brain. on the outside i am the girl in the fairytale world, but on the inside i have a smeared future.

    This story is really true
    and if you only knew
    then you would cry for that girl too

    i really liked these lines. because so many people walk around faking happiness and no one knows what is really going on. many of those stories could make people cry.

    it was a very good write.
    ~M
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by uonlyknew | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this poem. It kind or reminds me of something anne sexton would write. For someone your age you are very talented. My favorite lines are:

    She was just a girl
    In a fairytale world
    She couldn't tell were
    The fantasy ended
    And the reality began

    This is great. I think we're all that girl. by the way. I think between the lines there is a voice of hope in your poem. Maybe you can write a few more lines that kind of provide a resolution. that would be nice.

    Angel
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by chelseagirl077 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice ending and I liked how you repeated the one stanza and then twisted it in the end.


    She was just a girl
    In a fairytale world
    She couldn't tell were
    The fantasy ended
    And the reality began


    The only complaint I have is that that repeating stanza didn't rhyme like the others. I'm not one to rhyme my lines, but you should either rhyme all or not. But other than that you got your point across clearly and it flowed fairly okay. Good job!

    Ren
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Renada | [ Reply to This ]
      Frankly this is really pretty neat and nifty ... you have some fine rhyme here with an overall excellent sense of poetry, of what it is and what it does and what it is supposed to do --- not all folks learn this.. a big bravo ... bravo ... bravo!!! ... Michael
    | Posted on 2006-12-13 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]


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