Crying raindrops whisper down On cheeks already wet with tears- Rinsing out my aching heart Comforting my greatest fears.
Laughing raindrops bouncing close Tugging at my hands to play Memories come crashing down Remind me of that long-lost day.
Dancing raindrops soothe my pain As I at last down on the truth: Neither time nor space could separate The perfect love I share with you.
i really like your poem. it reminds me of what i feel sometimes with thhet rain. its soothing, comforting, giving a balm to the pains of living, and just relaxing. then it creates laughter and fun, drawing you out of the pain of life. the steadyness of hte rain is amazing, isnt it? then the rain dances, and realizes the truth. the truth of someone you love. n e way, i cant explain what this ment. i liked your poem though. it has so many meanings i though. when i first read it, i had to go back and reread to understand. the only part that confused me was this line "As I at last down on the truth" i dont knokow why, but when i read this, i had to kinda stop. it took away from thhe flow a little bit. but overall, great job. ~Nichole
why are the first randrops crying? you're crying, buti feel like they're commiserating, or pitying, or sympathising, or holding your hand. the raindrops are a world which is creating this transformation, reminding you your love is bliss right?
long lost day loses the rythm. the long lost day perhaps, in leiu of that?
last should be least.
as at last i down on the truth? i think there's a mistake there.
but honestly, i like this a lot, or i wouldn't bother to critique it.
This is nicely done! Longing yet light. I like the three angles on the raindrops. The rhythm is regular and well chosen. There's just place where I would think again: "separate" doesn't seem to fit. Why not "split"? Or perhaps "sunder" or "sever". (I prefer "split"). I suppose you meant "dawn on the truth" rather than "down".