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Rain


Author: Toxic Rose
Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 159 /220 /97
Words: 69
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 767
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 488



Description:


Wow, this is so cliché. But still. I love you.


Rain



Crying raindrops whisper down
On cheeks already wet with tears-
Rinsing out my aching heart
Comforting my greatest fears.

Laughing raindrops bouncing close
Tugging at my hands to play
Memories come crashing down
Remind me of that long-lost day.

Dancing raindrops soothe my pain
As I at last dawn on the truth:
Neither time nor space could break
The perfect love I share with you.





Submitted on 2006-11-05 00:27:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Crying raindrops whisper down
On cheeks already wet with tears-
Rinsing out my aching heart
Comforting my greatest fears.

Laughing raindrops bouncing close
Tugging at my hands to play
Memories come crashing down
Remind me of that long-lost day.

Dancing raindrops soothe my pain
As I at last down on the truth:
Neither time nor space could separate
The perfect love I share with you.

i really like your poem. it reminds me of what i feel sometimes with thhet rain. its soothing, comforting, giving a balm to the pains of living, and just relaxing. then it creates laughter and fun, drawing you out of the pain of life. the steadyness of hte rain is amazing, isnt it? then the rain dances, and realizes the truth. the truth of someone you love. n e way, i cant explain what this ment. i liked your poem though. it has so many meanings i though. when i first read it, i had to go back and reread to understand. the only part that confused me was this line "As I at last down on the truth" i dont knokow why, but when i read this, i had to kinda stop. it took away from thhe flow a little bit. but overall, great job. ~Nichole
| Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by butterfly_chi5 | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this. few critiques:

why are the first randrops crying? you're crying, buti feel like they're commiserating, or pitying, or sympathising, or holding your hand. the raindrops are a world which is creating this transformation, reminding you your love is bliss right?

long lost day loses the rythm. the long lost day perhaps, in leiu of that?

last should be least.

as at last i down on the truth? i think there's a mistake there.


but honestly, i like this a lot, or i wouldn't bother to critique it.

Good luck.

Moot
| Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by AptPupilofLife2 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is nicely done! Longing yet light. I like the three angles on the raindrops. The rhythm is regular and well chosen. There's just place where I would think again: "separate" doesn't seem to fit. Why not "split"? Or perhaps "sunder" or "sever". (I prefer "split").
I suppose you meant "dawn on the truth" rather than "down".

Thanks again for an enjoyable read,

PH
| Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by Lerlim | [ Reply to This ]


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