Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dark Cloud (somewhat revised)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CFHillyard
    ASL Info:    22/M/Washington state
    Elite Ratio:    1.91 - 53/36/13
    Words: 232
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 634
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1233



    Description:
       just another of my old ones i was able to retrieve


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDark Cloud (somewhat revised)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Forgive me for ive been bad to you.
    Its not that i wanted to.
    Its just all Iv ever known.
    But look and see I have grown and now I am A whole new me.

    I understand that I was never grand.
    That it was all in my head and now constantly I wish I were dead.

    My lifes always been dark and you brought me light.
    But now a cloud blocks my sun.
    Forcing me to fight with a knife against a gun.

    Odds are against me but I dont care.
    Cause I know someday ill once again run my fingers through your hair.

    Iv been cruel and unkind.
    I think my childhood had poisoned my mind.
    Iv seen my scowl. I truely can be foul. Im sorry love, forgive me please.
    Im begging here on my knees! Dreaming up our future memories.

    So forget the bad and remember the good cause now I understand I havnt done all i should.
    So here i am a healing man praying that you
    will bring light again to this darkened land.
    Be my sun again remove my cloud.
    And if its true that you still do, tell me you love me but please be loud!
    Because only you can remove this dark dark cloud.




    Submitted on 2006-11-05 12:28:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Beautiful. But again break up the lines.
    Katana
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    123921

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Outlaw
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry