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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I am You.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Thinkingofyou
    ASL Info:    18/f/The sunny state
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 283/423/132
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 988
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1185



    Description:
       I watched fight club, and it made me write. I'm proud of it...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI am You.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am you're cold sweat,
    Dripping from your nose,
    A thoughtful call,
    Rings,
    Rings,
    Rings.

    I am the palm of your hand,
    Slowly rising to your forehead,
    A horrified gesture,
    Breathe,
    Breathe,
    Breathe.

    I am you're lungs,
    Taking in the smoke,
    A stick of relaxation,
    Inhale,
    Inhale,
    Inhale.

    I am you're shaking leg,
    Tottering vigorously below you,
    A nervous motion,
    Tremble,
    Tremble,
    Tremble.

    I am the voice inside your head,
    Intruding your conversation,
    A secondary heart beat,
    Scream,
    Scream,
    Scream.

    I am your heart,
    Making glass shattering music,
    An uncontrollable pace,
    Pounding,
    Pounding,
    Pounding.

    I am the person on the other line,
    Telling you the horror you only dreamt,
    A thoughtful call,
    Crying,
    Crying,
    Crying.

    I am what is inside you.
    I am what is around you.
    I am You.
    And You are Me.




    Submitted on 2006-11-05 22:43:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i agree wit lexy i did like it thoguh i mean the first 7 paras r good even thought u repeat words which is not at all wrng but the ending is like lexy said a bit tooo clichéd...overall its good
    luv,
    sean
    | Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by anooplokur | [ Reply to This ]
      Ummm... this has some potential to be a song.
    I think that some of the repeating words are meant to be one syllables instead of two...kind of makes it a little choppy here and there...and the ending kind of just is a little too cliché
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by _LexyMeNow_ | [ Reply to This ]


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