Description: This is a very different kind of write for me I have been asked by a lot of people to Please write something dark and this is as close as I feel I am going to get to a dark write
And also Thank God I was never abused by my parents but I was abused every other way you can imagine
God Bless
Ron
Understanding Life -------------------------------------------
Hello World
Do you remember me
Im the child who had no friends in school
Always sitting alone
With tears streaming from my eyes
Trying to hide the bruises and all the pain
That was dealt to me by the two people
Who were supposed to love me the most
My kind and loving parents
I just want you to know
These cold hard streets
That have now become my home
Are not so bad
I still sometimes see
Some of the old faces from school
I ask them kindly for some change
And they spit in my face
Laughing as they walk away
Food is easy to find here
I just open another dumpster
And find my next lunch
Oh how happy that makes me feel
I wish I knew
If my parents were still alive
I would hug them close
And let them know
I now understand
All those beatings
Where meant to strengthen my heart
And helped me to better live
The life I now lead today
As I lay my head down
For another good nights sleep
I say goodnite to all my friends
The bugs now eating my skin
And I am thankful
For at least I am not alone
Ron. I do not whant to make ES a deulling ground that will not be fair to ES readers. I am led to share with you these final verses:
Mat 6:23 but if your eyesight is bad, your whole body will be dark. If however the very light within you is darkness, how dense must the darkness be!
Mat 8:12 while the natural heirs of the Kingdom will be driven out into the darkness outside: there will be the weeping aloud and the gnashing of teeth."
Mat 8:19 when a Scribe came and said to Him, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go."
Mat 8:20 "Foxes have holes," replied Jesus, "and birds have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head."
Mat 8:21 Another of the disciples said to Him, "Sir, allow me first to go and bury my father."
Mat 8:22 "Follow me," said Jesus, "and leave the dead to bury their own dead."
Well after reading this piece of negative logic relating to supposedly something dark, I can understand you have little actual knowledge about what is darkness in a spiritual sense to physical darkness in a literal sense. I know people you relate to in your writing because to me it is not poetry. We work with them everyday trying to get them out of the gutter of drugs, sex, alcohol and who knows what not. They live in the Darkness of their souls ensnared by the Darkness of Evil because that is Darkness Supreme. Satanist you name them – we have them we try to save them from abuse from Darkness. Only the Holy Spirit can save and convince of a state of Darkness nobody else can. You talk of opposites Ron Here is one of them: Light vs Darkness two poles. If the one was not there the other could not exist as well. Regards Joachim.
I am not sure what I think of this. I think it would help if it were read to me, rather than me reading it to myself. In my head I have trouble hearing the voice in this as anything other than mechanical and analytical. If I could hear some emotion, or even just a softer, more interesting voice than the one in my own head I think I would like this one better.
This describes something deep if few words. I guess you kind of ignore stuff like that until you read about it, see it or experience it. thank you for your powerful message.
I'm glad you are trying to write all kinds of poetry...
but keep writing your happy nice poems..:)
-dancer
Where's the punctuation? The proper use of capitalization?
Where's the actual emotional impact?
I don't feel anything for you after reading this. I feel nothing at all, actually. It's like vagueness on a vague train of vague and there isn't anything in the poem that makes it real at all, not even the very end.
You know why I don't feel anything? There's nothing poetic here. You may put misc. on every you write, but this actually uses linebreaks and that equals a poem. You've failed in making it so.
Why? There's a lack of everything. It's a small wall-o-text that can't support itself. The lack of any imagery makes it more deteriorated and the vagueness of everything just latches the whole demolition service out to work. There's no poetic devices, nothing.
I find it extremely amusing that you've received all this friendly support from other members in the vicinity, as most of the comments that have been put forth are "ass pats."
Really, I wouldn't want to live under such a "grand illusion" that my writing is so "emotional" that I don't need to think about the craftsmanship. The stagnation is killing me.
I only hope that someday, you can see, hear, touch, taste and smell what I mean.
This is a very realistic piece you have written. It was enjoyable to read. I felt bad for the story teller, but I guess that was the purpose. Great work Ron.
Well you say that this is a dark piece but funnily enough it still sounds not happy but...hopelessly optimistic.
The guy understands why life is like this(or at least has accepted that it is)so he has come to a resolution in any case,even if its too late.I like the lack of self pity in this too it made it more believable.
It flowed really well too(though I expected that anyway)
Hello World Do you remember me Im the child who had no friends in school Always sitting alone With tears streaming from my eyes Trying to hide the bruises and all the pain That was dealt to me by the two people Who were supposed to love me the most My kind and loving parents
I just want you to know These cold hard streets That have now become my home Are not so bad I still sometimes see Some of the old faces from school I ask them kindly for some change And they spit in my face Laughing as they walk away
Food is easy to find here I just open another dumpster And find my next lunch Oh how happy that makes me feel
I wish I knew If my parents were still alive I would hug them close And let them know I now understand All those beatings (Were) meant to strengthen my heart And helped me to better live The life I now lead today
As I lay my head down For another good nights sleep I say goodnite to all my friends The bugs now eating my skin And I am thankful For at least I am not alone
An excellent write, Ron. But one of the most incredibly sad testimonials to human cruelty that's ever been posted on this site. You might consider writing more works this dark to illustrate the miseries people face simply to survive. You also might consider removing some of the direct references to the abusive parents because you allude to their cruelty at the opening of the write. I caught one typo and broke up the text of the poem to allow the reader to absorb it more easily.
Wow, I think you hit 'dark' right on the head of the nail. This is a great write and it shows amazing amount of emotion considering you were never in the situation. I love the optimistic outlook and knowing that there are actually people like this is what keeps me in a good mood. If they can do it I can do it. Their's makes my life look like paradise..
Oh lord, this piece is simply sad. It makes me tear up inside when I read it; truely heartbreaking. If any one had to go through this I would simply cry my little eyes out. This is such a sad but powerful write that you have here. I can see that many people like your writings and I know why. You invoke people with the power of emotions.
oh my gosh this is amazing..your writes are always based on kind words and stories but this is truly written with the same powerful emotions you usually put into your writing. it's the life that many people have gone through but even if i wasn't treated like that{thankfully} i can still feel the pain.. it makes you think of teenagers who runaway from home because their life was miserable..is their new life better than the old? or even more miserable?
It was nice to see how you put yourself in someone elses shoes so easily. it sounded like a realistic poem from a real situation you've gone through.. but the stuff that really got a horrible image out was the part where the bugs were eating at the skin...-lovely! heh well,what else can i say? "another great poem from a great poet"?... i guess it left me speechless lol Keep writing ron,we love it..
wow, this is amazing! fantastic job of putting us in the narrator's head. i would like to see some tightening (for example you don't need to come out and say his parents were the ones beating him - you imply it very well previously), but this is a great picture you've painted here.
I happened to read your poem by sheer chance. Amazingly your poem brings together different forms of suffering- Physical, social, cultural and economic. It is really good that you could weave all of them together.
hm. this is a sad poem. i think you should lowercase to add affect of the smallness of the narrator. i would suggest more images, more brush stokes to add to the feel. but is always hard exploring new terrain
wow this is really sad , it made me cry, if this is about you im sorry i hope you feel better though after writing about it. either way i thought this peice was amazingly put together, even though it really made me cry, great joy Ron....Joy
That was really sad. Especially about the whole living on the streets part. But it was written very well, Ron. I can definentely relate to the first few lines the most right now. You know, sitting alone, and having no friends. This poem sorta makes me think about my future. I hope all of the above isn't true. In your description, you say you weren't abused by you parents, but I don't know about the homeless part. You write as though you've experienced it though. Anyways, very good write.
wow. I hope u didn't really have to go through this, but what a fantastic write. u made me want to cry, especially with the line "I now understand all those beatings." keep it up.
I told you that it would come out and brighten show true strength and character in your writting, and I believe this has done just that, your quite the writter Ron and I hope to see manya more.
You never fail to impress me and especially with this one. I wasn't sure what to expect considering you are one of the happier people on this site and have happier and more meaningful writes and to write something depressing as this and have it seem that its from the heart is amazing. I've seen its easier for me and most people to write about their feelings or how they are feeling in the moments but I thought it would be harder to write about something like this when you are a happier person. You cover a lot from writing about abusive parents to living in the streets to kids laughing at this poor child. Yea that about covers it! Well I'm off!
This poem makes me almost want to cry because of the story behind the poem, about a child who had parents who did nothing but mentally bruise, and physically hurt him. This poem, is an amazing story, please do keep writing. You are an excellent writer.
This poem makes me almost want to cry because of the story behind the poem, about a child who had parents who did nothing but mentally bruise, and physically hurt him. This poem, is an amazing story, please do keep writing. You are an excellent writer.
WOW! what a poem im glad i took he time to read it and tht u directed me here to read it. it was very heartfelt as if u did have to live like that... but i hope otherwise. just like what jason said i have a good family and am treated right so i cant relate either. but anyways very good imagery. maye u should try writing more like this one because it turned out so well. well good job and keep writing ~Shelby
What's up buddy? Man Ron you are a dynamo at conveying emotion and story telling. This was one Helll of a sad write and I think I'm gonna go outside now and buy someone a burrito or something. You know It's true, and I have told alotta people this when they are mean to the homeless...They all have a story and are all stuck on this planet just like everyone else! And just like everyone else there are homeless people that are nice and others that are not, so it says much about your character if you are judgemental and rude to people you come across in life. You never know under different circumstances that "bum" could pull you out of a burning car and save your life! Cheers on another excellent write Ron!
this is amazing, powerful and very sad. you have an awesome gift. this leaves the reader deep in thought and feeling heartbroken. wonderful job, Ron!! michelle
Submission Name: Understanding Life
