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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Twenty-Second Encounterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: screamALEX
    ASL Info:    19/M/PA
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 40/93/49
    Words: 210
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1095
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1440



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Twenty-Second Encounterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A Twenty-Second Encounter

    Cigarette in one hand,
    cell phone in the other.
    She walks with such conviction,
    it makes me wonder.
    If she knows that…

    Inhale the addiction,
    to release the frustration.
    Exhale the life that kills us all.
    A walking contradiction here to,
    fuck us all.
    How could something so lovely,
    be so fucking ugly.
    Every word suffocates,
    I can already smell the death.
    With every breath escapes,
    a thousand regrets.

    Plaster your face with,
    “high class” taste.
    A 15 blade to drive out the hate.
    A higher letter to make me stay.
    This puddle to reflect what’s fake.
    But Goddamn I bet you’d look so nice…
    when you’re undressed.
    And I bet you’d look so nice…
    when you’re a mess.
    After some “just for fun”… ssshh.

    Let’s learn from this experience
    and never repeat it.
    Let’s stop stealing time
    Next time we’ll keep walking,
    failing to catch it
    I’ll let my thoughts speak,
    and so should you.
    There is one last thing…
    I wish I had told you the truth.

    Cigarette in one hand,
    cell phone in the other.
    She walks with such conviction,
    it makes me wonder.
    If she knows that…
    I was trying to see past her.




    Submitted on 2006-11-06 19:57:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! I love this!
    I really know how the narrator feels...it's really hard to separate the outside from the insides sometimes...very relatable piece!

    I also love the imagery, it's spot-on!
    Those "fake" people with cigarette in one hand, cell phone in the other...perfect! You said a lot without actual physical descriptions (hair, eyes, etc.) so the person really could've been anyone, which makes it all that more relatable and convincing. Genius!

    My favourite lines:
    "But Goddamn I bet you’d look so nice…
    when you’re undressed.
    And I bet you’d look so nice…
    when you’re a mess."
    They're the best because no matter how much someone says "beauty is only skin deep" on paper...we all think that sometimes.

    The title sums the whole piece up perfectly. All you words are chosen with such skills...like seriously, the rhymes even work (usually I don't like rhymes because they sound forced...but yours dont!)

    Congrats on the awesome piece,
    keep on keeping on!
    TRAVWELL!

    PS...Thanks for your comment on "Jesus is Okay", I'm glad you liked it!
    | Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by travwell | [ Reply to This ]


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