[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Have you?dots

    Author: dreamer37517
    ASL Info:    25/F/Bama
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 161/149/49
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1724
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1013


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHave you?dots

    Have you ever just stared in the mirror?
    You see your faults, you see your error.
    Your outer cover starts to decay.
    You stare so hard, you just melt away.

    Have you ever just sat there and thought?
    You think and think no matter what.
    You try to decifer the mixed up jumble.
    You think so hard your thoughts just crumble.

    Have you ever just felt like not ever talking?
    You are just so quiet it seems so shocking.
    You just want peace, you just want quiet.
    You wish for all to just be silent.

    Have you ever just lied awake all night?
    You tried to sleep but couldn't win that fight.
    You tossed and turned and struggled to rest.
    You loose the battle and fail Worry's test.

    Have you ever just broke down in tears?
    You try to shut away all those years.
    You avoid memories and hide from the past.
    You beg and plead for the pain to end fast.

    Submitted on 2006-11-07 14:27:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I wouldn't think this is a suicidal poem lol. But this poem does have a lot of dark meaning to it. And I love it! I love it! I definatly love it! Have you ever looked into the mirror you see your faults you see your error, great metaphore to speak about looking at yourself in a pesimisc way. I like that line alot as it gathers all of the hateful things about the views in oneself. And then the line that you think so much you crumble. The human emotion and human mind can be a mixture of a deadly weapon of oneself. Im sorry for the feelings that you had to create such a work of art. Lonliness can cause such pain and so can self-image of oneself, and you definatly showed this inside of your writing. And the one I can greatly relate to was the fight to sleep. Depression sucks, it sucks, it just sucks lol. Especially when it causes us to stay awake for the enitre night with our deadly thoughts danceing inside of your head. Keep writing because you have talent.
    | Posted on 2006-11-15 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
      Was this a sucide poem? That last stanza makes it sound that way, so if you didn't want it to be that, I'd change it.

    In this line, I don't think you need just.

    "Have you ever just felt like never talking?"

    Other than that, this was cool,

    Nice job,
    | Posted on 2006-11-07 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]