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    dots Submission Name: The Stone Gardendots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1017


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    dotsThe Stone Gardendots

    ...the young man leapt
    toward Valhalla above
    as if a swimmer
    were treading wind
    clawing a column
    of shattered air
    as he met the embrace
    of the furious earth
    descending the ladder
    toward oblivion's kiss
    foregoing the safety
    of his perch...

    Why have you come?

    Isn't it obvious? I must surely love you, or more to the point, I love the abuse.

    You aren't real. These are half-bitten words, conscious denouements, carcinogenic refrains...

    ...and these seething uncertainties make each thing of beauty. That's my slab of meat, or haven't you heard?

    You're not really here.

    Neither are you. Now lay down your head, my sweet, weary poppet. Love's sister is death and they share the same gaze.

    Submitted on 2006-11-07 23:31:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||

    I loved the structure, the shape of this poem.
    You show completely controll of the words, like a true master.

    I wish I could get controll like that. Sometimes it feels like the words and the structure own me, and hinder the flow.

    Its estethic and splendid.

    Im inspired for sure!

    Thanks :D
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by ChrystalR | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Bill,

    It's so sad to read such words sometimes. I had the feelings of love and death when i read this. Your last sentence struck me the most:
    Love's sister is death and they share the same gaze.
    I don't know why i agree so much with this sentence and it embraces and shapes the entire poem just by this last sentence.
    I don't know Bill, this piece is just reminds me that i have so much sadness in my life and that's because lately, i haven't been feeling love in the atmosphere and that is so depressing. And here you are writing about a stone garden representing the two aspects of life: if there isn't love, there might as well be death.
    Don't know if i got any of your messages right. i hope i did.
    Take care Bill...

    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      I think of Valkyries when you mention Valhalla: beautiful war-maidens with axes ready to cleave one's head open, and the very embodiment of your closing lines regarding love and death, or maybe the dichotomy of earthly desire vs. airy oblivion.

    Why a stone garden? Does that represent your head and heart sometimes? Where people are inanimate due to personal insecurities, the way the world can seem so static and defined?

    New masons are needed to shape the earth's creations. I know this, and so do you.

    Or maybe I'm off the point and I'm just rambling. Could be both.


    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

    mind boggling pain

    but I can tell you I have honestly felt this way,
    as though my purpose was at the tip of my tongue
    and i could not say it, so close

    I'm just glad I didn't give up

    I read some flowery words about despair and nothing
    could say it quite the same as this,
    it goes to the marrow of my bones.

    and the title is perfect. but I somehow feel bad that I had no
    advice for the poet, believe in me? And that it gets better?
    Because I am a feeling human being, there is no other way for me to react that reflect. So be it, there is a rebirth in order and it's coming soon, bless you, bless you!

    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]

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