She is wearing red lipstick and being all black tonight. Feeling dangerous and ready to pick a fight.
I changed a couple things (since I was typing it anyway) but essentially I like this as an opening. The character sounded interesting and intriguing.
Ready to fight history and slay the repeated mistake. Ready to take on the future as the hidden shadows wake.
What's the repeated mistake? It can be fun to imagine different scenarios here so I was glad you left it open.
The girl sounds like me, living life on the edge, looking for trouble. Will she ever learn?
The blood of the river colours her lips to mend. Forgotten memories fall to sleep again.
"When the blood of the river Colours her lips to mend" - what does that mean?
"Her feet are crossing the valley" - I like that line "Her weaknesses now forlorn As hell has no such fury Like the one of a woman scorn"
"hell has no such fury Like the one of a woman scorn" is so much like "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" which is a line that has been used an eons amount of times. Cliches, clichés... You probably know that already so it made me wonder "why this line?"
So watch yourself tonight. Walk not the paths of dark. This is the night of evil and she has been darkly marked.
"Here she comes just a walkin' down the street Singing doo-a-didddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo She looks good, she look fine and I nearly lost my mind"
I craved to see lines that didn't always begin in capitals.
What is this about? I mean what did you want it to be about...to me this woman seems pissed off because shes made a lot of mistakes and is scournful of people and love. I don't know exactly how you were trying to play this one, maybe you could explain it to me....~AshleY~
Submission Name: Dark and Dangerous
