I like the idea, but I think you might want to work at your spelling a bit more. I know, once you start typing you're more about getting the words down than worrying what they look like--but other people have trouble understanding misspellings.
For instance: did you mean immortality or immorality? Witch (a magician) or which (a choice between alternatives)?
I'll tell you one thing: your pretty good at poetry! I really liked this ... fine meter and some excellent rhyme, and the repeated line at the end is so very excellent indeed ... (you have several typos which you can easily fix on a reread) bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... Michael