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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Don'tdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kiddo13
    ASL Info:    28/F/TN
    Elite Ratio:    5.28 - 70/61/22
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 691
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 747



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDon'tdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Don't let me do this
    Stand up and be a man
    Stop bending to my every whim
    Like putty in my hand

    Good grief! Don't do this
    Stop groveling on the floor
    If I need a doormat
    I can get one at the store

    Don't let me change you
    It's not how this should go
    I need a man to stand by me
    Not a boy made of play-doh

    I don't want to twist you
    Or mold you in any way
    I need to see who you really are
    So I know if I want to stay

    You don't need my validation
    I can't tell you who to be
    I can only love the man you are
    When you find him - tell me




    Submitted on 2006-11-08 13:17:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Splendid work!

    I loved this a lot.. It was sharp, to the point, expressive and clear.

    Your write is flowing quite lovely, and the rhymes are very good. Nice and traditional :P
    Its odd how the best works sometimes are the simple ones! Thats were the true art is!

    And I do relate so much.
    Men nowadays.. :P

    Hugs!
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by ChrystalR | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this, --I thought it could easily be lyrics to a song,--it has a crisp and assertive rhtym and rolls off the tongue naturally. I thought you did a great job here, --I liked the sassy "doormat" verse as well as the play-doh one. But the last-- where you say basically----"call me when you know who you are, I might be interested--" was the clincher for me. If people would just be honest,--be themselves,--put ego behind them and trust their instincts,-then finding compatible mates would be so much easier;

    Here I liked the brisk, no-nonsense approach, the rhyme and the thought behind the song. Shania might like this one too ,--lol
    Sally
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      And so i go back to my statement Women don't want nice guys. You have to be an [censored] once in a while or your just pretending. So Mr clever is no better than mr wrong? Same song and dance but the rhyme here entrances the repetition enhances your statement and still individuality is necessary. So part of this is exactly true. Give him a little space wheter or not he wants it to go out with the guys. so many people have ideas about changing thier partners, but it's not realistic, my girlfriend leaves plates and bowls everywhere and while it annoys the hell out of me i've just excepted it and began picking them up. I don't like this line

    "Not a boy made of play-doh" The use of play=doh to rhyme with go is fine, but i think it could shine brighter if you rewrite it. I just think the rythm feels a bit apart from the rest of the piece. peace
    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I have to say I found this work utterly...
    Hilarious.I love the idea of this guy trying so hard to please that he is no longer a person.

    Hang on, that sounds like I used to be *sulks*

    I like it's simplistic settings and words that show enough contempt but also humour
    Plus I can't believe you manged to fit play doh into a good poem.wonderful
    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good piece because the theme is one that is always dismissed. The world goes on and on about men being more compassionate and loving their women yet no one brings up the fact that many men lack personality because they are too compassionate, and too loving.

    A girl wants to be loved, but she also wants the wonderful contradiction of two people living like one. When two people blend, they go through arguments, disagreements, fights, and that just makes being together all the more spicy. Life is about these arguments and fights and the resolve of them at the end.

    Good piece,

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


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